torsdag 30 december 2010

Live once, right? And money are meant for spending, right?

Updating my blog from a Starbucks on the Upper West Side. You have to pay for the wi-fi at the hotel! What's up with that!? Some might call me cheap, but no way in hell am I paying for wi-fi!!

Anyway, NYC is great as always. Spent some four hours at the Museum of Natural History, after which we had a three course supper for $24 each (incredibly cheap!! I love it here, everything is so cheap!!) and then some minor shopping...shouldn't be doing any more of that. Dreading the fact that my next order of business is checking my balance...

Tomorrow crazy NYE bash in BROOKLYN!! Haha. Yup.

tisdag 28 december 2010

The universe and all that nonsense

Ok. Here we go. To be completely honest, the smart thing to do would be going to sleep and writing some other day. They say drunk facebooking is bad, what about drunk blogging? Not that I'm drunk, hypothetical question.

Experienced the modern day version of "Further" today. Minivan, seats for 6 people, there were 12 of us. Completely random people from all over the world but mostly the States. People smoking (rather not be more specific than so), nobody really knowing where we were going. Some musicians, some girls who looked way too young to be there. Ended up standing at some street corner listening to some very improvised tunes by two saxophones and one guitar. (Again, the saxophones....)

Playing pool with some random guy who'd been smoking. I won.

But on a more serious note. During my time here I've also met one amazing person. I've met several cool people, but only one who stands out as amazing. I only got to enjoy his company for one night, but I feel fortunate for that night. I try to be nonchalant about it, but if I'm honest I know that this was supposed to happen. We share the same values to an extent which almost scares me. And I loved watching the respect with which he treated EVERYBODY around him. I look to the stars and hope our roads will cross again, but if they don't I will always have that one night. That one experience of feeling that there is another person who feels the same way I do about the world. It's a memory I will treasure. A memory which can't be subdued by the wish to experience it again. Whatever happens from now on, I know that on the other side of the globe there is this amazing person who shares my view of the world.

fredag 24 december 2010

San Francisco, it's good to be back!

It's been 10 years since my last visit to this town. And back then I was only here for a couple of days, but the city made a lasting impression and I've been wanting to come back ever since. Even more so after reading Kerouac, Ginsberg and Cassidy (Carolyn that is...)!

Now I'm back and have picked up the love affair right where we ended it ten years ago. North Beach, Haight-Ashbury, it's love ever lasting. Lying in bed at night with the window open to let in all the sounds of the city. People laughing and talking, music from the numerous night clubs around where we live, even the traffic. Spending hours in "City Lights Books" just browsing through the huge selection of beat literature. Walking in China Town.

It's overwhelming and I can't put it all in words. All I know is I could move here. At least for a while. Anybody who knows where I could find a job here in PR/marketing/event production/performing and/or teaching circus? Let me know if you do...

"My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them." -J.K

måndag 20 december 2010

Belmont is where I'd live if I lived in Chicago


Day and night

An American cat


In a nutshell

Last night in Chicago. It's snowing. Keeping fingers crossed that the airports are operating tomorrow.

Had a great time here! Met wonderful people. Did some shopping even though I wasn't supposed to.

Tomorrow, San Francisco!!

lördag 18 december 2010

On the road

December in pictures

About to hit the road from JFK

Snowy park in Stockholm

Feeling nostalgic in Stockholm

Old town of Stockholm

Un chat parisien

söndag 12 december 2010

watch out world!

Managed packing! Have to say choosing shoes is the most difficult part. I decided I will have to make due with only 4 pairs (even though it's a three week trip!!).

Still have a bit of unfinished school work that needs to be done in the next two days or so...but other than that I'm free! Holiday until jan 10th! Amazing! I so need it!

Tonight we're off to Stockholm, on Wednesday NYC and then Chicago, San Fran and back to NYC.

Au revoir!

lördag 4 december 2010

Paris, J'aime!

Two more days in Paris, then it's back home...zut! But I guess it's just how it goes, all good things come to an end. I'm staying with a friend's grandmom and she's absolutely amazing! Before retiring she used to be a teacher, which makes for very interesting conversations, she knows absolutely everything! She worked for several years on the Ivory coast and her apartment is full of all types of interesting things from all over the world. She's giving me French classes over the breakfast table.

Have met some other equally amazing people here. The friend I'm staying with is an animator and his girlfriend is a designer and her friend works for a company that travels the world to collect sounds.

Now breakfast and then off to training! No time for sightseeing or other tourist stuff, but we did pass by Notre Dame last night!

tisdag 30 november 2010

Ready for take off

So, last week I finally got around to seeing Les Miserables. S agreed to go with me and we were lucky enough to get the very last tickets, so of course the seats weren't exactly the best in the house, but good enough. I must say I really liked it. There were moments that weren't fantastic, but the end was very moving.

Now I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that the strike won't affect my flight tomorrow. Paris, here I come! (Hopefully)

onsdag 24 november 2010

It's the freaking arctic circle, of course it's gonna snow!! stop acting stupid you idiots!

Stupid ass VR (national railway company)!! I have absolutely no sympathy for you! These kind of weather conditions are absolutely normal in this country, and I don't get how you can manage to screw up the timetables like this every fucking year!!! Yes, we are in the north, YES it snows here every year!! Do something about your equipment!! Global warming isn't happening that fast, there are still several cold winters ahead. And you've had several cold winters to practice!! And still we seem to be having this same problem year after year! I'm done, this relationship is over!! Fuck you and go to hell!!

In other words, I'm on the train on my way home from work. Should have been at home 15 minutes ago, but the train is about one hour late. I'm hungry and tired and grumpy! At least they could serve coffee and tea for free in my opinion. This is what you get with monopoly. It serve's only one part, the monopolist. Everybody else loses. What is this, communism?

tisdag 23 november 2010

Did you know about this, Jani?

Went to see Hurjaruuth's winter show. It was better than I had anticipated! I actually really liked it! But there was one thing that really bothered me... The juggler! What a rip off! I wonder if Mr Nakkinen has seen that show? The guy stole all his tricks. I say not cool at all!! Shame shame shame!

On a completely different subject, read this article in DN on relationships and how men and women have different attitudes towards cheating. Very interesting! For those of you that speak swedish, here you go!

Next week, Paris! I hear P is already there!

måndag 15 november 2010

When nothing makes you feel

I'm missing the decadence of the summer...

There are plans for a party extraordinaire, but we are having trouble setting the date. Hopefully it will be this weekend.

Need to go out, need art, need theatre! Aaaarrrggh!

söndag 14 november 2010

Loves me, loves me not...

On the train, on my way home from our capital on Saturday, I ended up sitting next to this lady of about 60 years of age. My seat was taken so since the one next to her was free I figured it's less of a hassle to sit next to her than to ask the guy sitting on my seat to move all his stuff.

I was planning to do some reading, have a bunch of articles that need to be read. Got the papers out and everything. Then this lady starts talking. As I think it's important to be polite to people I listened and asked a few questions. I also believe in the importance of NOTICING people. We all have a need to be seen and heard. This lead to us having a conversation for the next two hours, that is, until we were in Turku. Her husband had died three years ago, and she told me about how she still cries over him, how she misses him, and how she can't imagine ever meeting a new man. She also told me they had been married for 40 years, and that she had known from the second she saw him, that he was The One. I told her I am sorry for her loss, but that I think she's very fortunate to have gotten to experience such love, it is not something we all have the privilege of experiencing. I'm glad she told me her story, it gives me hope. Maybe real love isn't just a fairytale fantasy fed to us by Hollywood. Maybe it really exists.

Back home I was sooo sooo very tired. Fell asleep around 8.30 pm and woke up the next morning around 9.30 am. 13 hour sleep. Not bad!

fredag 12 november 2010

Even my plants are dying!

Just read my first post in this blog. It was written on a Saturday night. Right now is Friday night. And again I am at home. I guess it's just this time of the year...up here in the north it gets so freaking dark! It's as if all life just leaves my being. I have no interest in doing anything. And I have absolutely no understanding for those who like this time of the year, candles, darkness, red wine, movies, warm blankets, that's what they talk about. I say fuck that! I prefer my wine in the light of day.

But I try to keep my eyes on what is to come. This month is hard work and no play, but come December and things are quite the opposite! P is coming from Australia, I'm meeting up with him in Paris. After Paris we are coming here, and then Stockholm. From there he will go on to Norway, and I will go on to the States.

For now, I will head out into the darkness and go buy some milk. Maybe also some chocolate. Tomorrow is a new day and I bet it will be rainy. Yay. Crap.

torsdag 4 november 2010


Yup yup, it is official, I need a man! Bought a jar of pickles yesterday, and I still haven't managed to open that stupid jar! It's so tight! I don't usually have this kind of problems, my fingers are quite strong in fact. But no...I need a man!

söndag 31 oktober 2010

Now all I need to do is find a way to justify flying (polluting) as much as I will be doing

It's been one crazy weekend! Not in the sense of insane partying and good times, but in the sense of WORK. Now that's just not right. And I have promised myself not to write about work here. This is where I prove to myself that I do have a life.

Spent Friday night in an old jail, Kakola. Creepy place I tell ya! YLE and some other instances organized a guided tour of this old prison as a Halloween event. I was there performing with a friend. Probably the weirdest place I've ever performed. The prison was taken out of service just two years ago (it's built in the 1800s) and the walls in the cells were still covered with the prisoners' writings. And the isolation cells in the basement, ugh, they seriously gave me the creeps! Good thing one hasn't had to spend more time there.

Saturday night I performed at a theatre here in town. It was fun. Haven't been to any event in a while with people from my field of work. It's very refreshing to from time to time see them. After the show we all stayed at the theatre until late at night (I was the first to leave at 2am) talking about art. It is something I really appreciate, because no matter how much I love my other friends, there is just no way I can have a four hour discussion about art with any one of my non-artist friends. Even if they wanted to. It's just so that if you do not create your self, you will never understand the complexity of art. Not saying that all that is done is good, but it's complex never the less. We are putting our souls out there, revealing everything in front of an audience. And what people think of it is beyond our control. It's not always easy to accept the vulnerability one has to withstand in order to be able to be a performing artist. I know I can't please everybody, yet I'm always a bit sad if somebody doesn't like what I do.

Before this gets all too deep or complicated and boring, lets change the subject! I was on facebook earlier tonight talking to a friend. He's flying in from Brisbane to Paris and he managed to convince me to come to Paris for a weekend before he comes here. 10 minutes of chatting and I bought tickets to Paris. Hah, it's so easy to talk me into doing stuff. So, in December I will be in Stockholm, Paris, NYC, Chicago, and San Francisco. Can't wait!

tisdag 26 oktober 2010

Got my phone, but no voice

Wohoo, got a call today, my phone is ready to be picked up! As I might have mentioned, I got an iPhone 4. And broke it. Well, today I'm going to get it back all fixed up, yay! It's funny how things always balance them self out. When I broke the phone I found some really cheap flights (Chicago-San Francisco-NYC) the same day. So there was something to make me happy and something to make me sad.

Today I'm happy I'm getting the phone back, but sad because I have no voice, and instructions from the doctor to not even try to speak for at least two days.

Yes, though constantly changing, the universe is always in balance.

fredag 22 oktober 2010


I often get this feeling. That I'm not in the moment. I'm doing something, but my thoughts are already at the next thing coming. I'm always waiting for something. And to be quite honest, I don't know what I'm waiting for. Just something. Anything that will shake me up and rock my world.

On few instances I have caught myself just being right in the moment, and those are moments of complete satisfaction and happiness. Those are moments where I wouldn't change anything.

Right now I'm waiting. For something to happen. For a reason to get dressed and go out. Even though I have plenty to do here at home as well. Luckily H called, going out to have a late lunch with her.

onsdag 20 oktober 2010

She's 9 years old. How about that.

Saw this first on Black Cherry. Can't help it but it's just so freaking catchy! But I have to admit it feels a bit weird hearing a nine year old sing "whip it real good".

Should've known better

All the signs were clearly visible. But still I just had to go in! Had lunch at a small sushi place in Espoo. There were two strollers on the street just outside the restaurant. And I still went in! What's wrong with me? I had to literally CLIMB over three kids, all under the age of 4, to even get in to the place! God damn! I don't hate kids, but I'm not a huge fan either (except friends' and relatives' kids) but I am strongly of the opinion that if your children do not know how to behave in a restaurant you shouldn't bring them there! These kids were playing in the door-way all through my lunch, shouting and being all loud and what not... They were there with their moms, two moms, 5 kids. And you should've seen the table they sat at once they left!! It was a terrible mess, food all over the table and on the floor around the table. Seriously, in my opinion, that is very VERY selfish!! Yes you have a right to go out and eat even if you have kids, BUT all others also have a right to enjoy their meal in peace and quiet. This means that if your kids do not have any sense of how to behave in a public place you owe it to the other guests to remove yourself and your kids from that place. Go home, teach your kids how to behave and let people enjoy a lunch without food flying around and kids running around and screaming.

From now on, if I see even one stroller outside a café or restaurant I'm crossing to the other side of the street!

måndag 18 oktober 2010

Live life while it lasts

I love listening to stories told by those older than me! I have a friend who is about 60 years old. In her youth she used to be a circus artist in Russia. Today she told me the story about how her troupe had been to a remote island outside of the north coast of Russia to perform. On the island was a military station, and all who lived there worked on the station. They had to go there by helicopter and the helicopter couldn't even land, so they all had to be lowered down from the helicopter. And there were polar bear puppies walking around in the village, that people fed. She told me how she was amazed by the amount and quality of fruits they had for the military there. They had fruits you couldn't even get in the markets of Moscow or Saint Petersburg. What a life.

When I get old, I wish I have equally amazing stories to tell people.

söndag 17 oktober 2010

Sometimes it's good to be wrong

Soooo, that party last friday. I survived it. I even had a good time. Honestly. I don't think everybody there exactly liked me, but it's ok. There were at least a few people who seemed very nice, so why bother about the rest.

I have a French exam coming up on Tuesday, so other than that party on Friday night, my weekend has been rather eventless. And to make things even better, I checked my calendar today and realized I have a meeting at work on Tuesday, so I can't take the exam. Someone might say that makes all the reading I did in vain, but I disagree, now I'm up to date with that course! Very much so.

Other than all that school and work and what not, everyday life stuff, I've been thinking a lot about love lately. Without any grand results.

söndag 10 oktober 2010

Now how am I gonna be able to sleep tonight?

Quite flattering this article here about my present home-town.

Other than that, my hands are shaking because I'm watching the episode of Grey's Anatomy where that crazy shooter is in the hospital. Scary shit!

lördag 9 oktober 2010

Stepping over to the dark side

So last night didn't exactly go as planned. Me and L were on our way to V's birthday-party. About half way there we realized it's a super long walk, and since it wasn't exactly in the center there were no taxis around. So we turned back and ended up going to the circus were we drank the bottle we'd bought for V and tried out the new trampoline. Not bad after all.

I promised myself that this year I will make an effort to socialize more at school, since last year I was hardly there at all, just working all the time. The problem is I have a lot of prejudice against the people I go to school with. I know it's stupid and that I shouldn't be so judgmental. I also know that the fact that somebody has different moral standards and opinions than me doesn't mean they are bad people. So, I'm making an effort. Today I registered for a party next weekend. You know, the typical student party; dinner, drinks, singing, socializing etc. These parties always come with a theme and the theme for this one is recession/luxury. This means there will be two tables, one recession table and one luxury table. When you register you choose which one you want to sit at. Of course there is a difference in price, and that will also be visible in the foods served at the different tables. Of course I had to choose the recession table. I'm sure this will make for an interesting evening.

torsdag 7 oktober 2010

America, Coca-Cola & Ginsberg

Ah, this is so me, I got my new iPhone 4 today, got to play with it for approximately 4 hours, then I broke it. Dropped it on the floor and the glass broke. Crap! So now I'm without phone...will take it back to the retailer tomorrow, hopefully they can fix it.

But I guess something like this needed to happen since it's been such a good day otherwise, you know, to balance out the karma. Booked flights from Chicago to San Francisco, and from San Francisco to NYC and was very pleasantly surprised to find these flights for a total of 270 euros. It's a bargain I tell ya! So now we have pretty much the whole trip booked! Stockholm-NYC-Chicago-San Fran-NYC-Stockholm with L. I think it's safe to predict that good times will be had! L was with me in Australia earlier this year, so I know she's good travel company. Also managed to set with D that we can stay with her while in Chicago.

We had an after-party here last weekend. On our way home from the club we stopped by a pizza place to get some soda. Of course at that hour it was crowded! Since we didn't feel like waiting for a soda, and since I was the only girl in the company, the guys sent me in, because nobody would get angry at me if I cut in front of someone in the line. I did cut. Told the guy I cut in front of that I'd be quick, just getting a soda. Luckily he was drunk and his logic was not working. He didn't want me to cut in front of him, so he said he would get me the soda. Result = I cut in front of people and get what I want for free. How about that! The after-party then involved listening to a recording of Allen Ginsberg reciting "America" while I fried some bacon for the boys and drinking Coca-Cola with vodka (yuk, I do not recommend that).
Earlier this week, when I was cleaning after the after-party I found a men's sock on my living-room floor. That of course rises the question: "Who leaves with only one sock?"

Aw, but the phone! Keep your fingers crossed for me tomorrow, that I can pull this off my home-insurance! But for now, good night, hyvää yötä, god natt, guten nacht, buenas noches, boa noite, bonsoir!

fredag 1 oktober 2010

Oh it's such a perfect day...

Working from my home office today, in other words, my bed. Booking flights, checking book-keeping and compiling applications on today's agenda.

I have this insane craving for bacon. Had it since last night. Don't know what's up with that! Maybe I'll go by some, have to mail a letter anyway...

Tonight there's a roda and after that sauna, wine, and cheese at a friends place. Looking forward to that very much! But have to take it a bit easy since I promised to give an acrobatics class tomorrow at the university.

I had a gig yesterday. First one in quite a long time. It went surprisingly well and it led to some more gigs in the near future.

The sun is shining and things are good! Friday!

söndag 26 september 2010

happy happy joy joy

It's been an absolutely fabulous weekend! Event though I had to work friday night...

On saturday we had a party at a friend's family's farm out in the country side. It's beatiful this time of the year out there, with the leaves changing colors and all. The farm has been in their family for a couple of hundred years and is quite amazing. We had dinner out in one of the smaller buildings, some sort of old shed or barn. Me and E had decorated the place with sunflowers that we picked from one of S's fields. Our host gave a speech before we dug in to the food, and in his speech he told us he got a job in Brussels! I'm so happy for him! It's a great opportunity for him and it couldn't had come at a better time. Only bad thing is of course that he's January...I will miss him a lot. But it's only for three months to start with. And I'm very happy for him. After the speech we got to eating, and drinking, and singing. Singing is an essential part of a good party if you ask me. M had made us all pannacotta for dessert, super good. The night continued with port wine, sauna, dancing, and talking. I think around 5 am the last ones of us hit the sack. Next morning we woke up to a beautifully sunny day. Even though summer is long gone, the sunshine was warm enough for us to have breakfast out by the pool. I'm really kicking myself for forgetting to bring my camera because it was just so beautiful! The trees with colorful leaves, big turqoise pool, blue sky, crisp air, fields with sunflowers, old red barns, and the big house. After breakfast (which was really served around 12) S drove us back in to town while some of the guys stayed in order to go rabbit hunting.

Today I got more news that has made me beyond happy! C is coming to visit in December!! He lives in Australia and I haven't seen him since March. It's his first time coming to Finland. If things work out the way we are planning he will come in the beginning of December, then we will go to Sweden together and from there he will go to Norway and I'll fly to New York. Very much looking forward to all of this!

I'm so happy right now!

fredag 24 september 2010

goodness gracious

Worked in Espoo today. Thought there would be a train from here to Turku at 22.20 but unfortunately I was wrong! No train until I'm stuck waiting for the train at a local pub. Robbie Williams on the stereo, flashing green and blue lights, local drunk talking to himself, occasionally about me. Bit scary I must say. And there's nothing to eat! Not even nuts or anything! Oh it's a beautiful life I tell ya!

But on a more positive note, booked flights for NYC yesterday! Yay! Departure dec 15th, return jan 1st. Happy to take tips on what to do while in NYC (been there before, so skip the Empire state building, ground zero etc). Also planning short visits to San Fransisco and Chicago while there so tips are welcome on those cities as well. Going there with L. Talked to her today. She's on the Atlantic doing research for one month. Whales and corals today.

Hoping to catch D while in Chicago. Haven't seen her for ten years! TEN freaking years! Don't know how that's even possible.

onsdag 22 september 2010

Sugar and spice and all things nice...and beautiful...and hot

Yet another post from the train. But this time it's different! For some reason the normal train is replaced by this old train. The kind they had when I was a kid. The kind that is barely used anymore. The kind without sockets in the passenger compartments. Luckily my macbook pro works for hours and hours without re-charging.

Last workday for the week. Or actually, not quite, promised to fill in for a friend on friday. But almost anyway. Planning to end this day with some wine at a friends place. She bought a new apartment this summer and is slowly settling in. The location of it is perfect, and the apartment itself adorable as well.

Speaking of friends. It's interesting to sometimes think about them. You know, how some friends you basically just go out and party with, while others are the kind you work out with, and yet again others are the kind you have for engaging in interesting conversations. What your friendship is like depends on what you have in common.

I hardly ever cook at home, but I have a friend, and whenever I see him we cook, either at my place, or his. We hardly ever go out or do anything else, we cook, eat, and talk.

Another friend of mine I only talk to on facebook. Then again he lives in New Zeeland so it's hard to find the time to actually see each other.

One of my friends has very different political views than me, but he has a good sense of humor and can keep up a good conversation. Him I mainly see about once a week for lunch with political discussions.

Then there is K. I don't see him often, but he's by far one of the most important people in my life. The kind of friend you can tell anything and completely trust even though you only see each other once a month, if even that!

Looking at this text it seems I have mainly male friends. Not true, I have very good female friends as well. For example M who is providing the wine and company today. And P! P is awesome! Last time we sat down, we started talking about our friendship. After talking for a little bit we realized our friendship is built on four corner-stones; intelligence, twisted sense of humor, alcohol, and the appreciation of beautiful young men.

Think about it, take anyone of your friends and distinguish which are the corner-stones of your relationship. The results can be quite entertaining.

söndag 19 september 2010

It takes a fool to remain sain

Feeling tired both physically and mentally, but I guess this is one of those things you just have to write about no matter what. Speaking of course of the elections in Sweden. So I'll comment on it and leave it at that.


Where did things go wrong? Why have the people of Sweden chosen a right wing government and let in a racist party in the government? It hurts. The right wingness I can take, even though it is not to my preference, but it's not all bad either. But sverige demokraterna!? For real!

Have to say I'm happy I don't live there anymore. But at the same time worried we will be facing similar problems here come elections....

torsdag 16 september 2010

the female ideal of the Western world is not the only right one...

In the last few days I've been involved in a couple of very heated discussions on the subject of the new law proposed in France that would forbid women from wearing a burqa. It's a tricky question, and I do understand those who see the burqa as problematic in a western society, but I do not agree that the solution is forbidding the use of it. Restricting people from manifesting they're own culture rarely leads to any good. There are, in my opinion, valid arguments for not using burqas, but they are definitely not religious arguments! And I have to say I'm a bit disappointed by the ethnocentric point of view and arguments that many of those I have been discussing with are voicing. A lot has been said about this, and I see no point in re-stating arguments already made, but if you want to broaden your view I suggest you read this (it's in Finnish).

On another point, I was once again today presented with a new theory by my shrink. He thinks I'm too independent and unable to show any weakness and that that is the reason I am alone. I don't make people feel needed. Maybe he's right. But then again, I can't picture myself acting all helpless just to make some guy feel strong and needed. That's pathetic from both aspects. Why do men need a woman to need them in order to feel strong? And why do women regress to helpless children to get a man? Is that equality? I'm not saying it's not, I'm asking, because this is something I have a really hard time understanding. I could go on and on about this, but it's late and I need to get some sleep. A friend from Brazil is visiting and I have the day off tomorrow (as always on Fridays). Boa noite!

fredag 10 september 2010

Art is in the air, everywhere I look around

The sun is shining and it's an absolutely beautiful day!

Free champagne and art last night. That's never wrong. The exhibit itself was...not very consistent. Parts of it were lovely, for example Christina Kubisch's work was very much to my liking, as was Pessi Parviainen's. Kubisch's was very interesting and funny in a weird way, Parviainen's was just so beautiful in its simplicity!

The rest were not bad, but the reason I didn't enjoy them as much was more the space than the work itself. They are sound installations, but they are arranged so that sound from neighbouring installations are disturbing. Also one of my big pet peeves is things that looked poorly executed or un-finished. As in this case, some of the temporary walls and constructions looked like they weren't done yet because the corners weren't painted. These things are really disturbing to me. When I look at art I don't want to be bothered by a construction site.

All in all it was still an exhibit worth visiting, so go see/hear it at Aboa Vetus Ars Nova.

Checked my inbox this morning when I woke up and there was an invitation to a jazz gig on Monday. A friend is playing and I would love to see it, but I get back in town so late I might miss it. But mark my words, this young man is the next big thing in Finnish jazz!

Other than that my plans for today are dropping some clothes off at the flee-market, dog sitting my cousin's friend's dogs as she's getting married today (congrats!) and going to a farewell party for a friend who is leaving for Luxembourg for an internship. Translating stuff. French-Finnish.

torsdag 9 september 2010

everyday life

Dinner and, booking accomodation for NYC and San Fransisco, then art exhibition opening at the modern arts here in Turku.

After that, laundry and dishes...

tisdag 7 september 2010

and all that jazz

Sleeping at the office tonight. Sounds worse than it actually is. It's an old wooden house with all the commodities of a normal home. We have a meeting in the morning so I rather stay here than take the train home, get home at 11pm then take the train next morning at 8am. Lazy and economic.

Crappers, I was supposed to fill out the ESTA form tonight but the ministry obviously closed down the site already. Not fair, it's not until tomorrow there's a charge for getting your permit to visit the States!Oh well...luckily it's not too expensive, 14 $.

The weekend in Stockholm was great! Met up with some old friends from high school. Also had a reunion dinner with my old coaches and friends from my gymnast years. Haven't seen some of them in six years! Only four of us gymnasts made it. Our head coach was pleased to find that all four of us are economists today (she is as well).

In addition, I also managed to visit Moderna Museet. They had a Ed Ruscha exhibit, and it was awesome! His style really pleases my eyes. Had a chance to meet up with mom too. Had a special delivery for her. An egg slicer. Obviously this particular kind is not distributed in Sweden... I don't understand it, but apparently it's very important to have the right egg slicer. We went to see Petit Mal (see below). It was great! I'm really proud of those guys, they know what they're doing. The reviews in Dagens Nyheter and the standing ovations from the crowd are just proof of that.

It's funny how sometimes the more people you surround yourself with, the lonelier you feel.

lördag 28 augusti 2010

blah blah blah....

Sometimes I just feel like nobody has anything to offer. Like people are too stupid, too boring to keep my attention. And yea, I do realize what that sounds like. It just, I don't know...I need challenges. I need someone who pushes me, who questions my opinions and motives. And now, again, it feels as if nobody really measures up. There are only a very few exceptions. It's Saturday night and I think I'll stay in and read. I have a lovely apartment and a good book ("Off the road"), people are stupid, why go out?

On a more positive note, it seems we will be spending new years eve in NYC. San Fran and Chicago are also on the to-do list while there. Can't wait to start planning this trip!

onsdag 25 augusti 2010

I can't stand my own mind

Went to see the pre-showing of "Wicked" the musical at the city theatre in Helsinki last week. One of the benefits of my job, free tickets to stuff like that. Have to say I was very pleasantly surprised by it. Probably the first time I've seen a musical here in Finland that actually works! Where they let the dancers do what they do best and don't adjust choreographies in order to make them easy enough so that any 50-year old actor can do them. The story was good, simple but timely. And, even though the circus artists they used for this production were dressed as monkeys it didn't give the impression of being used as "special effects", their range of movement supported the story in a good way.

Go see it.

Holidays are now over. Once again I'm left with the feeling that the summer went by way too quickly. Sad.

From time to time I get this feeling that I should write a book. I know many people have that feeling. If I was to actually do it now I think it would be a 2010 version of "On the road" since I'm commuting between two towns the next year, half of the week in each. The setting would be Finland, the trains faster and more comfortable but other than that not much has changed since the original version. Weed is still illegal and the fashion is back to where it was when "On the road" was written. All I need to do is figure out who is my Allen Ginsberg and who is my Neal Cassidy...

måndag 16 augusti 2010

Reality check

E and M popped in on a random visit tonight at 10.30pm. Luckily I had a bottle of Fresita in the refrigerator. We popped open the bubbly and got to talking. M has been in Palestine all summer working on a refugee-camp. It kind of puts things in me and E have been complaining about men or the lack of them (which ever is a problem...) all summer while M has been broadening her horizons and developed her understanding of different cultures.

I keep this blog in order to remember the good things in life. Tonight was a reminder of that.

Here's another reminder of how good we have it:

Live each day to the fullest, don't take life for granted. Recently heard that a friend (not one of my close ones, but a good person who is loved by many) is terminally ill. That too puts things in perspective.

Lets get this show rolling!

The heat has kept me busy elsewhere lately. Today was the day to dig out the old calender after not having even glanced at it for over a month. It's back to reality. Already missed one mode still on.

Spent all of last week in Helsinki. The week was topped of by Flow festival. Biggest mind blowers were definitely M.I.A and The XX!

Also got to see several friends over there that I don't see all too often. One of them is on his way to Denmark now to perform. If you are there, don't miss this show, it's spectacular!

More info on

Last but not least I have to complain about the way Finns dress, once again. Us Scandinavians are generally quite pale, which makes it really hard for me to understand why so many women here insist on wearing combinations of beige and white. ONLY BEIGE AND WHITE!! Why? It makes us look even more pale! And they are really boring colors, especially combined together!

tisdag 20 juli 2010

Turku Modern

Turku Modern took place last weekend. The plan was to see as much of it as possible, but of course things never go as planned, and that's usually a good thing. After having dinner with my parents, aunt, cousin plus her boyfriend and a friend T and I went to Blanko. The place was packed so we were lucky to get a table! After just a few minutes these three guys asked if they could join us since there were no available tables. Of course we said yes since they seemed nice enough. Not long after one of them went to the bar and came back with a bottle of champagne and five glasses. They were going to the same gig we were going to so we decided to go together. The glasses just kept being filled up and drinks were carried to the table continuosly. A friend of mine, and a friend of the guys we shared our table with joined us before we left.

We went to see Villa Nah,and it was awesome!!!

Also, I have to say, guys with freckles are just the hottest thing ever. EVER!

måndag 19 juli 2010

it's just skin!

I have been reflecting over this one thing lately. Or actually several. But this is only about one of them. Or ok, two.

Anyway, the first thing is, I've noticed women here (Finland) tend to wear sleeveless summer dresses with a t-shirt underneath. Why on earth do they do that? It looks so stupid! Sleeveless dresses are sleeveless for a reason! If you don't feel comfortable wearing them, then don't buy them, it's an insult to the dress! In some sense I understand why this happens, the summer here is so short and we are not as used to baring skin as people in warmer places. But still! It looks awful! Don't do it!

Second, where do you draw the line? What is cheating? (And no, I'm not cheating, I can't since I'm single, I just started to think about it. It's really tricky once you start thinking.)

torsdag 15 juli 2010

hot hot heat

This heat wave, wow, I love it! Only problem is how hot it also gets inside when you live in a country with houses that are built to stand extreme cold, like -20 degrees celsius. Out doors club tonight at the museum, it's a must if you are in town!

I realized this blog looks quite boring since there are hardly any here's one from midsummer. I love it, it looks so summery.

lördag 10 juli 2010

The past revisited

They say the pro's party on sundays. I know what they mean. I've been working some in the restaurant/night club business a few years, and that crowd parties on sundays.

Not long ago I went out on a sunday. Just to have a few glasses of wine with an old friend who I used to work with. Somehow we ended up at a bar. It was completely crowded and after hitting the bar we were a bit concerned wether or not we would find a place to sit...luckily we found a table at the very center that was full of old friends and co-workers! They invited us to join them and so we did. At some point my friend commented that "this is nice, I remember three years ago when I used to go out on sundays, it feels just like back then, same people, same bar". And she was very right. It was like visiting the past. There was a time when I used to hang out with this group of people more regularly. But even though I still like them, and still have a good time whenever I see them, I've moved on. But for that night, visiting my past was a good time. And, actually same goes for thursday night...that was seriously visiting the past! It also made me understand why it is the past and not the present. But it was nice.

måndag 5 juli 2010

Being single

This is something I've been giving a lot of thought through out the years. About being single, that is. I'm 28, and for most of my life I've been single. There has been one relationship that can be considered more serious, but other than that, nothing! Well, dating of course, but nothing that has led to anything more serious than a few months of dating.

I'm wondering why this is so? I'm not complaining, because I rather enjoy being single. It has a lot of perks. For example I can do whatever I want, go where ever I want, be with who ever I want, and when ever I want. The freedom when being single is something I really value. Also I don't have to make compromises about anything, I get all the closet space, I get to choose the colors of the walls etc.

But as the norm in today's society is that of twosomeness (is that even a word) it makes me wonder, is there something wrong with me? I have been attracted, and had flings that I would've hoped had led to something more, so it's not like I'm against being in a relationship. So what's the problem? Why am I not succeeding in finding someone I want to be with and who wants to be with me?

I'm no super-model, but I look good. I'm athletic and not very big. I have plenty of guy friends who seem to like my company, so that leads me to the conclusion that there isn't really anything severely wrong with my personality either. I just don't get it!

I had a discussion about this with a friend of mine, who in this sense is very much like me. Her response was that she thinks we are both missing some sort of girlfriend-gene. Could that be? We are both quite goal-oriented, in the beginning of what will become great careers in what are considered high status jobs, funny, smart, good looking and confident. Those are pretty much the same qualities that I personnally would want in a partner, yet we are both single, and have been for quite some while.

In the meanwhile, I see couples where the girlfriends are very demanding, naging, complaining, restricting, and insecure (yes, there are exceptions). Is that what guys want?? Can it be?? If so, why?

Somebody please explain to me!

tisdag 29 juni 2010

Down shifting

Shifting down to holiday mode...the weekend was spent at the islands. Great weather, great bbq, great company, good music...very enjoyable. Even went for a night swim and it wasn't even cold!

yesterday was super lazy. Finished the day off with two friends and a bottle of rosé wine in the park. Today is a little more active. Had a morning (11 am) work-out, now lunch break, then reading in the park, coffee with a friend and maybe movies tonight.

Should start preparing for painting the next wall. But until then, here's a picture of the first wall, plus the blue chair I'm still in love with.

måndag 21 juni 2010

The review...

Almost forgot to mention, our reviews were good! My and MK's part was one of the things mentioned, the writer said she would've liked to see more of us since we had such good intensity. Cool.

And all that jazz

Once again the weekend was filled with things to appreciate. Friday there was wine and jazz with great company from med school. M was playing and he was brilliant as always.

Saturday we were playing and after our show we went to my place for some wine and then out to see M's band play. They played an awesome set! Also met V, who I haven't seen in a long while. She was very happy because she had scored the top result on the admissions test to the most famous art school here. Very happy for her! Also MK decided he will join us out in the archipelago for midsummer. Totally awesome!! (The after-party at M's place I could have skipped though...)

And to finish the weekend off, my parents popped in on a surprise visit, I wasn't expecting them until today or tomorrow. Good to have them here for a few days.

Today is my last day at work. Starting tomorrow I will be on holidays until aug 9th! Hell yeah! Hope we get some nice weather here soon...should book tickets for Berlin and London soon...

fredag 18 juni 2010

cherries, sunshine, wine, and jazz

This day has all the makings of what could become a perfect friday. I'm up early, which is not something I like, but other than that.

Went to the town market square and got some cherries. Cherries are good. And tonight I'm seeing a good friend for some wine and jazz. Another friend will be one of the people providing the jazz. And the sun is shining. Life feels good today.

torsdag 17 juni 2010

What more can one ask for?

Last night was perfection. We premiered our new show, it went alright. To be completely honest I'm not totally satisfied with the show, but there are some really good stuff in it. Anxiously awaiting the reviews now...don't know if I have the guts to read them...

After the show our whole company went to P&K for some champagne, sauna and BBQ. Good friends, good food, good drinks, feeling so fresh and so clean...That was perfection!

måndag 14 juni 2010

Everyday decision making difficulties

The weekend was awesome! Went to Sweden just for the weekend. Had some great company on the trip and met good old friends while over there. It just always makes me sad that weekends are so short! Would've loved to stay for a few more days...

Also made some new friends which is always nice. Might have to make a trip over to Norway next month.

While the weekend was great and awesome and all it still left me feeling a bit confused. The question in my mind right now is, if something feels good, but you know there is no future, is it ok to just run with it while it lasts and just ignore possible problems it might cause? Or to phrase it in another way, if you don't know what you want, but it feels good right now, do you have to know what you want, can't you just go with it? Right now I'm leaning towards blindly ignoring all possible problems and just go one day at the time and see what happens.

söndag 6 juni 2010

Losing myself

Aawwww eu estou bem feliz! No particular reason. Guess it's just the summer.

Small contradiction here. I keep this blog to visualize the things that make me happy. And right now I feel happy. But I'm a cynical person, I'm not the happy happy joy joy girl. It's difficult sometimes to accept happiness after being cynical about all things. I still am. But at the same time I'm quite happy. It's not the outside, it's the inside.

Still have the blue pic to upload...

tisdag 1 juni 2010

Flowers and hearts and other happy shit

Yeah, totally disregard previous post. Things are in no way complicated, things are perfect. Summer is here, sun is shining, had some guests from Sweden, Australia and Brazil at my place over the weekend. Good times. Great times.

I just feel so at peace with things. E was happy with my work and it means a lot coming from him.

Working on our new production...the schedule is crazy tight, but I think we will pull it together at the end. Actually we don't really have a choice since tickets are already out for sale. But it's all good.

Listening to Petter's "Mikrofonkåt", talk about nostalgic shit!! It's like being back in high school...those were the days. These are the days. Got to stop this now, my happiness is reaching ridiculous levels. Spread some love folks!

tisdag 25 maj 2010

when did things get complicated?

It's been an eventful couple of days. Saw the graduation shows. Some were good, some were amazing and inspiring. All and all, very good work, just what I needed, haven't seen any circus in a while.

Also managed to paint one of the walls in my livingroom. It's perfect, will post a picture soon.

And also, I've managed to get myself in a potentially awkward situation. This one guy, we will call him the artist, called me last night and asked if I would have lunch with him today. I don't know him very well, he's more a friend of a friend but I agreed to lunch. He's just visiting here and hadn't really slept at all last night so when I told him I was going to work he asked if he could stay at my place and take a nap. No problem. The problem is that I don't know if he's intending to stay the night. Or, sure he can stay the night, there's room, but since I don't know him that well I can't really tell if he just needs a place to crash or if he's actually hitting on me. I'm afraid he is hitting. And since this other guy, we'll call him L (for Lover) is coming tomorrow this might turn tricky. Guess easiest way out is just telling it like it is, that he can stay the night but that's it, no hanky panky.

And to complicate matters even further, talked to Mr Q last night. He split up with his girlfriend and is coming to visit on saturday. Knowing our history this is not'd I get myself in such a mess??

lördag 22 maj 2010

good stuff

First and foremost this blog is for me. I write about things I do that I like because when I read this I want to remember what's good in my life, not the bad stuff. It's too easy to focus on the negative so lets not.

For the same reason I don't like to write about work here. It's not important in the bigger picture.

Tonight I'm going to see the graduating circus students do their final shows. Looking forward to it very much! After that I need to go home to take a nap, prepare for tomorrow (bought paint for the livingroom) and maybe go out. Probably go out. Most likely go out =)

torsdag 20 maj 2010

Ridiculously happy...

That's what I am. So happy I'm almost worried my cynical sarkasm might be loosing ground...

Aaaahhhh I absolutely love the smell of sun-screen! It smells like summer and I love love love it! We've had this amazing heat wave for the last week or so, almost 30 degrees celsius everyday! It's so awesome! That combined with the days just getting longer and longer equals me very happy.

Went out last night. Had a great time. M is back in business which is super! He's been out of the picture for a couple of months just stressing over school auditions. Now they are over, he did well and we're keeping our fingers crossed for him. He so deserves to get in! But I'm glad the auditions are over and he's back to his old self. The afterparty was at his place last night (it's usually either that or my place). It was fabulous. We sat out in his garden in the middle of the night, around 2am and M played the saxophone for us. He played a short piece he had composed earlier that day. I think we might have woken some neighbours up...but the music was beatiful so they probably didn'n mind. But it was perfect. Imagine, a group of four good friends, one of the first warm summer nights, a bottle of champagne, a sax solo with birds twittering in the background...aahhh...perfection!

My livingroom painting project is progressing, today I measured my walls and was planning to go buy the paint, but the weather was so nice that I ended up spending almost all day at one of the riverboats with my cousin. Tomorrow I'll go buy the paint first thing in the morning! Then I'm off to the pool for some chilling. Not a bad start for the weekend.

måndag 17 maj 2010

The Eye

As I told you, it's pretty bad...looking forward for when it starts turning green and yellow...

lördag 15 maj 2010

Still blue

God, I can't stand people who initiate group hugs! I don't know what it is that bothers me so much about it, but it's just sooo ridiculous and it makes me want to puke.

My blue period is still going strong, found the perfect shade for my livingroom, now I just need the time to paint. Also bought two chairs with blue seats and backs. I'll show you soon, they're gourgeous! My eye is also blue. And not as in "I have blue eyes", it's the area under my eye, it's purple and blue. Not so gourgeous...

Went to the theatre last night. It was kind of spur of the moment. Hadn't planned going, but I happened to talk to a friend who was going, and it was the last time the theatre was showing that particular play, and I had the night off from work so why not. And apparently I wasn't the only one who was having a night off, bumped in to seven friends at the theatre. That might be a record, considering it was a childrens' play. Ended up going out with the cast of the play later that night. It was fun. Waking up this morning when my chairs were being delivered wasn't quite as fun though.

måndag 10 maj 2010


I'm defenitely having a blue period right now. But it's not just any blue that will do, it's the bright blue of the sky on a cloudless sunny day. Planning to paint my livingroom blue. It'll be great.

...then if I could only find that pink leather couch...

I'm thinking I'll have time to paint the walls in June. Can hardly wait! Maybe I should let you see it once it's done?

The big dilemma for today is what to do tonight - invite a friend over and enjoy a bottle of red wine, or go out running? I'm hoping I'll have energy for the running once I get home because I'm in such awful shape right now, something needs to be done about it!

fredag 7 maj 2010

Inspiration, please!

Being creative on demand is not the easiest thing. Especially when you lack time. Sometimes I need an empty gym and several hours just working alone and trying things out to be able to create something. Other times I might get inspired by the shape of a chair, or the noice of the city, or the pattern of side-walk plates. Sitting on a train or bur also tends to inspire me, maybe it's the notion of being on your way somewhere, or maybe it's just the fact that it's a quiet moment to yourself. But what I still need to learn, is to write things down!! I should write everything down, whenever I think of something but I don't...I convince myself I will still remember it when I get home...but I don't...

Tomorrow I'm going to watch and give feed-back on three different performances by teenagers. I wish to be inspired, and I dread hurting the young ones by being too constructive or harsh...

tisdag 4 maj 2010

Clowns without borders

foto: Alex Hinchcliffe

I suppose most people have heard about "Doctors without borders", but how many of you knew there is also an NGO called "Clowns without borders"?
There is, and I went to see one of their show/presentations yesterday and was truly moved by their stories. If you happen to be around Helsinki or Stockholm this or the following week I suggest you check them out.

I've always had a thing for clowns...they are so hot in their own weird tragicomic way. So humane and vulnerable and strong at the same time. Much love to all the clowns out there!

måndag 3 maj 2010

collecting experience

I've also realized I am no longer 19. Staying awake all night every week looking for inspiration, a good time, something more, something more, always something more, something bigger and better, something that will make me feel alive is not as easy as it once was.

I have dark circles under my eyes. They weren't there when I was 19. I guess that is what aging, staying awake, and emotional base jumping does to your face.


I guess it's now appropriate to say that spring really has arrived. Finally! How I've waited! I absolutely love this time of the year.

Went out this weekend. Ended up at a small, intimate after party. Just four people. One law student, one med student and one business school student, and me. Hah, who does not belong in this picture? At some point of the night we realized that nobody there knew more than one of the other people there. Somehow we had all assumed that everybody else already knew each other. Best part of the after party would have to be the next morning when one of the guys made the rest of us breakfast, salad, oranges, grapefruit, bacon, fresh bread..delicious! It made for a little pic nic on the livingroom floor.

Now I'm thinking about going to see a small play tonight by four clowns. It could be fun.

fredag 30 april 2010

to be or not to be...on stage

Oh the decadence...How I've missed you! Sometimes all you need is good music, sunshine, brunch, and the memories of last night to feel happy.

I was out a couple of nights ago, and by coincidence the actor who plays the male lead in Anna Karenina was in the same company. I guess we were about ten people, all actors, jugglers or acrobats, except for a friend of mine who is a med student. I hope she didn't feel out of place. The entire night was spent at one table, glasses were constantly filled up and discussions circled around performing arts in general. Intense. I told the actor that I went to see him play on monday, which of course was a mistake. Or not. But naturally that led him to ask what I thought about the play, and since I know I'm not a good liar I told what I thought of it, good and bad. But that's how it is, if you don't want my opinions, don't ask for them! And I also think that it's important to be able to both receive and give constructive critisism in our field of work. Luckily the actor belonged to the group that knows how to take it. Not all do.
I guess the urge to be on stage comes from some kind of egoistic need for attention...which makes many performers quite contradictive. They are extremely confident in one way, being able to be in front of people and having the focus on them, yet at the same time many are very insecure and take reviews and critisism very personally.
Tonight I'm throwing a party at my place, see you there perhaps...

tisdag 27 april 2010

Anna Karenina

Oh yes, I did manage to get me and my friend tickets for Anna Karenina even though it was sold out, thanks to some help from a friend at the theatre.

Where to start...? It was long, very very long. 4 hours and 15 minutes with only one break. I must admit to being abit apprehensive about this play because of the length. I love theatre, but never the less, I have fallen asleep during plays if they are too long and too slow. Luckily, even though I was really tired when I got to the theatre, there was no risk of me falling asleep during this play! It was very intense, the dynamics worked well and the actors were seriously working their asses off on stage! The costume design was awesome. The scenography was even better! (I bet the stage techs don't love it as much as I did, it must take ages to set up and deconstruct.) I love how the director had made use of the entire stage in many different ways, and also incorporating live video projection.

It was also very physical, lots of running and shouting for the actors. No wonder they only play it a couple of times a month. All and all, I liked it, but on the down side I have to say I wasn't touched. It didn't make me feel. It was good theatre. Great is when something happens to your own emotions when sitting in the audience. This didn't quite get all the way there, but I enjoyed it.

måndag 26 april 2010

There you go Dr Freud, what do you think?

I had just the weirdest dream about vampires last night. Too weird and too long to give you a full recap, but the two weirdest things in the dream was that the vampires had divided the vampire kids into two lines. In one line was the healthy, fully developed ones, and in the other line were all the vampire kids with some form of malformation. They were divided because the vampire community wanted to keep the breed strong and healthy. The kids in the line for those with malformations were going in the opposite direction as the healthy kids and all the kids were singing "healthy ones this way, sick ones that way". Nazi vampires....

The other weird thing was that the vampires were being hunted by flies, gigantic flies the size of pigs!

Now psycho-analyze that!!

Speaking of weird, weirdest place I've ever slept was behind a washingmachine at a trailorpark in Australia.

söndag 25 april 2010

It's just a Sunday...slowday

Went out running today, first time since Australia...felt quite nice. I've never been a fan of running, but today it felt so light and easy I might just do it again some day.

Tomorrow I'm going to the theatre to see Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karenina. If I can get tickets that is, I hear it's sold out, but that shouldn't be a problem. Pretty much all theatres have seats they don't normally sell out, you just have to know the right people. never know, I might be out of luck.

"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." - Tolstoy

lördag 24 april 2010

Why women melt to the sound of a saxophone

It's so beautiful it hurts inside when I listen to it. It makes me feel small, like the whole universe is crashing down on me through the sound of a sax. Can't really explain it, but it hurts and I can't get enough.

lördag 17 april 2010

Cosmopolitan greetings

I guess much of what I do comes down to the search of inspiration. I'm not stupid, I actually consider myself rather rational and with a sense of logic. But never am I bound by my rationality or logic. It is often the case, that I evaluate a situation where I have to make a choice, come down to a conclusion of what would be the smart thing to do, and then do the exact opposite.

Last night was no exception. The bars here close at 4am and we were a group of about ten people that decided to have an afterparty. Eventually everybody had left the afterparty except for me, a juggler, and a break dancer. I knew the smart thing to do would be to go home and get some sleep as I was going to work the next day. But instead I stayed, and we had a really intense discussion about the performing arts. At 8am I finally decided it was time to call it a night. Needless to say, work was no pic-nic today. But it was worth it.

After work I had planned to go to a friends birthday party...but had to face the cruel fact, that I'm too old for this shit. So here I am, saturday night, starting a new blog. This time I write as myself and what I write is true and not make believe.

"Stand up against governments, against God.
Stay irresponsible.
Say only what we know & imagine.
Absolutes are Coercion.
Change is absolute.
Ordinary mind includes eternal perceptions.
Observe what's vivid.
Notice what you notice.
Catch yourself thinking.
Vividness is self-selecting.
If we don't show anyone, we're free to write anything..."