I'm bringing some peppers, and chili, and salt...

Oslo is now behind and I'm moving back to Finland. Before that though, I am spending some time in Sweden.

But, before we leave Oslo for good I must update you on what went down during the last week or so there.

Christmas party at the embassy. Great success! I got the embassador to perform a bridge. Wearing a dress. I'm very proud of myself.

Going away party at my place. Great success! Even some international drama going on there. Nothing major though. We stayed at my place until 4 am and ended the party by having a pic nic consisting of, um...french fries and turkish pepper shots on my livingroom floor. That is truly a crowd I will miss. Luckily some of them are flying over for my birthday next month!

Sweden is crazy. Or the weather is. No snow. Just windy as hell!! About ten of our trees went down last night because of the storm. Guess we are lucky it wasn't anyone of those closest to the house.

New years is coming up and this year I've made no plans for it. Therefore I was very happy today when I got an invitation to dinner and party at a friend's place in Stockholm. Me and a bunch of Stockholmian lawers, its got disaster written all over it! Got to love it! The invitation actually said they need me to spice things up. All I can say is be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it...

No time to write, too busy partying

It is a bit hectic, last days in Oslo.

Went to some fancy party thing a few weeks back, ended up at gay club with Norwegian politician and some photographer who disagreed on my view of art. Good times were had by all (except the photographer).

Christmas party with friends. We sang christmas songs in Finnish, Swedish, Norwegian, Spanish, and Chinese. We are so internationally fabulous. Good times were had by all.

Christmas dinner at boss's place. He cooked a five course dinner for us. I was impressed.

Still to come:

Christmas party at the embassy tonight.

Going away party at my place tomorrow night.

Go figure!

So what happens? Worst possible of course, romantic music and candles and dinner. And when I was leaving he kissed me on the mouth. Can not see him anymore obviously. Our expectations are not the same. And now I have to tell him that. Fuck.

Grass is always greener...

So, the guy I mentioned in the previous post? I'm going on a third date with him tonight. Yay! Or so you might think, but actually I'm kind of freaking out. I'm afraid he is more interested than I am.

He is serving dinner at his place tonight. I swear, if there are candles on the table it will be a very short date! What is wrong with me though? As soon as somebody shows interest I freak out and feel like I can't breathe. But if a guy seems like he is not really interested than I can't get him off my mind. I guess it's the chase more than the guys themself...too sad.

Things that make my knees weak

I have a date today after work. I'm not the type of person that gets nervous about stuff, but today I am! This guy is uncomfortably handsome and I have no idea why he wants to go out with me. He is the kind of movie star handsome that makes you extremely self-aware. And he is older than me. 7 years older.

I know it'll be alright. I'll just be me, which is not bad at all. I just can't imagine that I would be his type. My bets are there will not be a second date, but who cares? Handsome man, I will enjoy his company today.

Priceless

It struck me again yesterday how important it is to have free-time. I mean real free-time, not just weekend. I did have some plans for the weekend, but to be honest, I didn't feel like going through with any of them. So I cancelled. Perhaps that upset some people who were affected by it. But it freed up my weekend. And it was exactly what I needed!

How can you ever be spontaneous if every second of every minute of your life is scheduled?

Ended up going to dinner and then movies with three good friends. No plans were made, we just went to eat, and once we had finished eating one of my friends said he felt like going to the movies, and so we did. It wasn't any extraordinary events, but just the freedom to be able to do it just because it felt like a good idea at the time is worth so much.

You suck!!

I've read through about a million blogs today. And they all suck. They were all terribly written and incredibly boring. Maybe I am too. But since this is me and my universe which revolves around my being I'm choosing not to care. Caring would only lead to insecurities and misery, who wants that?

I do realize how immature this post sounds. It's just...I don't know how to explain. I think it is perfectly possible to write about everyday nonsense in an entertaining way. But all the blogs I've read today go like this: "Today I woke up and was very tired. Then I had breakfast and went to school/work. After school/work I came home and had dinner. Now I'm just relaxing."

ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzz.... you lost me.

Maybe I'm exaggerating, I did read a few blogs that weren't like that. But instead they were really pretentious and attention seeking. Don't like that either. Am I just too hard to please? I think not. I'm a normal (more or less) person. My life is just as boring as everybody elses, I'm not asking for or demanding extravagance. I'm just not interested in you waking up, going to work, and eating. I'm interested in what you saw on your way to work, and what that made you think about. That is what makes you different from everybody else.

On a different note, found some gorgeous vintage red leather boots by Finnish designer Juhani Palmroth. I love them!

Hello? Is this the universe trying to tell me something?

I'm not superstitious. At least not very much. But I try to stay open and accept that there are other ways of communication then spoken or written language.

I was sitting at a small over-prized café at an airport reading a book (The Man Who Broke In To Auschwitz). During the train ride I had been thinking about a person trying to figure out how I feel about him. Still haven't reached a conclusion.

Anyway, back to the book. It tells the story of a soldier and how he leaves Liverpool to go to war. I'm sitting at the airport in Liverpool waiting for my flight back home. The book is written sort of like a diary and the first date of the book is Jan. 22nd. That is my birthday.

At one point I looked up, across from where I was sitting there was another café. A guy was sitting there and I thought he looked a bit like the guy I'd been thinking about on my way to the airport. I thought to myself I have to get him out of my head before I start seeing him everywhere... and continued reading. Just a short moment later I realize someone is standing by my table and look up. It is him. He was supposed to be on a flight two days earlier but had missed it and re-scheduled for the same flight as me.

I'm trying hard not to be superstitious, even though I am sometimes tempted to be.

Friday words of wisdom

Friday?

Friday.

Friday!

Friday...

Friday!!

I realize I can not go around hoping for, wanting, searching, for the unexpected. I also realize it is in some degree up to me. I read an article a few days ago. It was about what people at their deathbed say they regret the most. You know what it is?

Not letting myself be happier.

Living my life according to the expectations of others.

Not following my dreams.

Luckily, these are things I have already realized. But I think we could all get even better at it. Why pass on something that might turn out like a lot of fun just because it might be a bit embarrassing or because it might make others think you are crazy? What if, instead of thinking "Nah, I can't do that, people will think I'm crazy" you would just go "I have absolutely nothing to lose, only live once, lets do this!".

I try to do that. Sometimes I fail. Sometimes it takes a few minutes of gathering courage. But never have I regretted any of the silly things I've done because they are the things I remember. And remembering them makes me smile in an otherwise quite gray day-to-day life.

With these thoughts in mind I must say I am looking forward to this weekend. No commitments made, but plenty of invitations. I understand my friends don't really like me being so flaky, but the thing is, I don't have a lot of free time right now and when I do have free time I don't want to commit to coming to dinner or seeing a play or having lunch or whatever, because that, in my mind, beats the purpose of free time. How can I be spontaneous if I always have some place where I have promised to be at a certain time? I appreciate the invitations, but would like to keep my right to make split second decisions.

Bon week-end à tous!

Please, DO rock my boat

Please inspire me!

Or make me fall...

Make me angry!

Anything, just make me feel anything!

This is the problem. I hear some people like this. They say it is safe and that in the end we all long for safety and familiarity. I don't. Will I ever? I want the adventures! I want the crazy experiences, like when we accidentally drove to Canada on our way to Chicago. Or like when we slept on the floor behind a dryer in a laundry-room at a trailorpark in Australia. Or like that afterparty when people swopped clothes and we flambéd pineapple in my kitchen.

There has been nothing even remotly crazy, life altering or ground-shaking in a very very very long time!

This needs to change! The sooner the better!

it is like prison

FYI, I wore jeans today for the first time in about 6 months and let me just tell you, it will not happen again in the near future! UNCOMFORTABLE! I am going back to dresses! That is all, thank you and good night!

Hold on to your hats!

Btw, the date the other night went well! I don't think he is my type but he was super super nice and we hade a great time just talking. First time I checked to see what time it was, it was 2.20am!!! And we had met up at 7pm! That has got to count for something, right?

There is just so much going on right now and I really really love my life! The store-opening last night was PACKED. But drinks and food were super, and so were the goodiebags we got (there was a t-shirt, some make up products from Maxfactor, hairproducts from L'Oreal, chocolate, a magazine (Smug), a gift certificate for 40€ on jeans, a gift certificate for 25€ for a hair salon).

Siinai's gig was also good! Not my kind of music, but good in respect to the genre they represent.

Tonight we're going to the comedy show, that'll be nice. Just hoping M is up for it, she called in sick today.

Tomorrow H is visiting!! Yay!! The band she dances for has a gig here so we're going to see the gig and then go out. I was really looking forward to a serious night out, BUT turns out, I have to take it quite easy...got invited to an audition quite early on Sunday. Which is great of course. But my chances are not very good since they are looking for dancers. But I figure it's good to go regardless.

AND, I might have a date on Sunday! Tell you more about that later (no, it's not the same person as last time, although I'll probably see him again as well).

I guess the adventures I've been hoping for are happening all the time, I'm just not realizing it. Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for all the woods you know...

Money is overrated

How to make it without money in Oslo? Easy. As long as you have enough for food and rent, you're good, that's all you need!

Tonight I'm going to a store opening (which means free alcohol and snacks) and after that we got free tickets to a gig with Siinai. Tomorrow night we got free tickets to go see a Jonas Gardell, a Swedish comedian, and on Saturday night we got free tickets to a gig with Leningrad Cowboys.

Who needs money?

Non-static existence

A week or so back I had a very interesting meeting. I was meeting a producer for a company I'd really like to work for and he was telling me I should apply for a job with them! And as if that wasn't enough, their president also showed up and stayed to chat with us for a while, and the producer guy told him as well that he thought I should be working for them! Note to self: remember to send your CV to dreamjob...

Sometimes I enjoy just walking around town, trying to get lost. I figure we are all trying to find our true selves. Some go to India to do it, others to Thailand. I can't afford either one right now so I'm trying to find myself here. And how can you possibly find yourself if you are not lost at first?

The problem is, I can't seem to get lost! My sense of direction is overwhelming! Is this the universe's way of telling me I'm already there? I've found me?

I hope not, because I'm afraid the adventure ends when you find yourself. From there on it's just peace, serenity and calm for the rest of the journey and I am not ready for that yet!! If finding yourself does not exclude adventure then I'm fine with it!

I have a date tonight. I'm really looking forward to it, although I do not believe this is a person with whom I will get romantically involved. He just seems like a very interesting person and I really want to get to know him!

It can't possibly go well!

Just realized something. We are having a party on Saturday night, and I have a date on Sunday at 12.30 in the afternoon.

This means I will probably be in less than perfect shape on the date. Also, it's a first date and we are going to see a movie - I have a tendency to fall asleep watching movies even when I'm not hung over. And best of all, the movie is a Danish movie called "The Truth About Men", so if I do manage to stay awake, it can still be a bit awkward.

So to summarize, first date, hangover, movie called "The Truth About Men". Not sure this is a very good plan.

five, six, seven, eight and one two three four

So, right now is rather hectic. Just to sum it up, 12 hour workdays, exhibition opening tomorrow, on Friday I'm a showgirl, filmfestival and reception at the embassy on Saturday, more filmfestival and perhaps a date on Sunday.

Dancing on my own

So, yesterday's date got cancelled. The guy had fallen asleep. He did send me a text appologizing for this and asking what I was doing later that night. I told him I have no plans and told him to let me know if he's going out. Didn't hear from him again. Wtf!? I mean, I'm not looking for a relationship or even a fling, I just want to get to know people as this town, and this country, is new to me. But still, who does he think he is standing me up?? Anybody, boy, girl, man or woman, should feel priviliged to be allowed my company!

Anyway, I do not let strangers mess up my plans, so I went to the Opera house on my own. They screened a documentary about a Norwegian artist up on the roof of the Opera house. It was actually quite amazing, one of the best documentaries I've ever seen. Beautiful. Artistic without being pretentios, funny without being corny. So after all it was a good night.

Today Rex called. He had a hangover and asked if I wanted to go to a museum with him. I'm always up for art. He picked me up and we went. He says he is a fuck up. He doesn't like his job, it is just something he does to pay the rent. He says he would like to do something more creative. What is stopping you I asked. I think he is trying to impress me. It is kind of sweet in a way. I think he means well. I think he is a bit lost between his early 20s and the now approaching 30. How do you become the man you want to be?

Got a show for next Friday. Doesn't pay at all, but since I'm new in town I guess I have to do some of these first to make a name for myself. It's just a hair-show but it does include some choreography and trapeze. Most importantly, I get to be on stage and blow people's minds.

Life is beautiful

I've got a feelin....woohoo

So guess who has got a date tomorrow? Well, it is not exactly a date, I'm not looking for anything. But it sort of a date. We are going to a poetry slam and after that a concert. Looking forward to it!

There is also a party tomorrow night that I intend to go to. So tomorrow has all potential of being a good day!

Tonight we are keeping the gallery open until 9.30pm. It's the night of the arts in town. We'll have a DJ here and some refreshments (beer). I'm hoping we get a good turn up!

My flatmates are probably coming and I'm not so sure how I feel about that. They are super nice, but one of them can be a bit of a drama queen when there is alcohol involved. And in my opinion drama belongs on stage or on screen, and by the age of almost 30 you should most definitely know how to behave, be there alcohol involved or not!

Also, the guy I wrote about last post (I think), I'll see him again tonight at practice. Still a bit confused about that, but sticking to my theory that it is a lack of physical intimacy on my part and the fact that he is a very warm person around who I feel very....I guess safe would be a good word. But, I know from experience that mixing up feeling safe with having a crush is not a good thing to do. Safe is nice, but in the long run quite boring. And by the time you realize you are not in to the other person, you just like how safe he makes you feel then you might already be in a very tricky situation.

hush hush

Living quietly... trying to change it. Flatmate got home last night around 3am and she wasn't alone. Found men's clothing all over the livingroom this morning when I got up to go to work.

Met a friend yesterday, male one, and it was...weird. He's super nice and sweet but not at all my type physically, yet it just felt strangely nice being close to him. What is going on? Is it just lack of intimacy? I'm guessing it is. Will se him again today AND tomorrow (sort of work related).

Later tonight I'm going to some exclusive shopping event. As if I could afford shopping with this stupid interns salary! Hah. But there will be free wine, so I'm going regardless.

I'm getting old

It is Saturday night and I am at home. Watching war documentaries and doing laundry. Things were different a week ago.

Note to self: staring with mouth wide open is not very subtle

So, there was that release party last night. It was great, good food and as much sparkling wine as one could ever drink (seriously, it never ended, no matter how many times we filled up our glasses), gorgeous men all over the place, great music. Everything you could ever wish for on a night out. I felt like a child in a candy-store, eyes wides as plates and just spinning constantly around checking out all the men!

Didn't make it to my own apartment last night. Must say, it was a bit tricky finding my way to work today as I had no idea where in this city I was when I woke up. But it was a good night, for sure.

Why do they not make videos like this anymore?

About to implode because of my urge

It's that feeling. I don't know if it is something everybody has. But I just feel this insane creative urge in me and I don't have an output for it!! I feel there is so much inside of me that I want, need, to get out. I feel like I'm meant to do something big. Does it sound crazy? Delusional?

Instead I'm sitting here surrounded by others creativity and listening to Kid Cudi...

Moved in to new apartment yesterday! Promise to post some pictures of it soonish.

Waiting for...?

Tonight is my last night at J's couch! To celebrate this I'm cooking dinner for her and setting the table in time for when she gets home from work. It's going to be great to have a room of my own (even though it is the tiniest little room ever!) but at the same time the thought of not seeing J every day and exchanging daily news with her feels a bit strange, I've grown so used to it during this month. And even though she keeps telling me it is no problem having me there I feel happy to be able to allow her some more privacy by moving out. She is great and I hope to be able to return this favor some day.

Had a group of about 20 design/photography/illustration students here a few minutes ago. Gave them a tour of our current exhibition and there was one guy who was so incredibly handsome it made my knees weak! Now I have to run to each and every opening in the hopes of running in to him again...

Really looking forward to this weekend, lots of fun stuff in store! Friday there is a release-party for a world-music festival I'm probably going to and on Saturday my new flatmates and I are having a little get-together at our flat.

It's nice to have some social activities planned, up until now it has been mostly work and practice for me. Took two classes on Monday, one yesterday, today I'm resting and on tomorrow there will be one more class before the weekend. Hopefully these social activities will lead to more things to report here, it's been kind of dull these last few entries...I know... And no pictures... well here is one now, and I promise to keep them coming more often from now on!

Hello...

still in the waitingroom

Yesterday morning I had to run to the tram as usual. Don't know why leaving in time is so freaking difficult, but it is. Started practicing again this week and muscles have been sore all week, so the running-to-the-tram morning exercise is really not necessary right now. It hurts.

I have never been a morning-person but I have to say, these tram rides to work are making my mornings so much more enjoyable! Every morning there are at least a few incredibly good looking men to look at. Yesterday one of them sat next to me and he smelled so good, unlike anything I have ever felt before! Hope to run in to him again some morning...

Not so much gossip wise to report...still kind of finding my own place in this new environment and establishing myself so to speak. Looking forward to getting to know new people and making new friends.

A couple of nights ago I went to an event organized by Bianco and ELLE magazine. There was a small speech about this season's trends, shoes shoes shoes, some food and LOTS of sparkling wine! Unfortunately I had an appointment after the event, otherwise it could have turned in to a real party! Oh, and goodie-bags of course! Got some hairspray from Aussie, some chocolate, nail-polish, lipgloss, magazines and some soda. It was nice. I like getting stuff for free.

Smile!

Saving money in Oslo

Too lazy to write...

I'm realizing my new job comes with some very nice perks. We get invitation to all kinds of events which means I can go out at least once a week to have a good time, some wine, and some food for no cost what so ever.

Yesterday was one of those occasions, next week there is one on Wednesday, and the week after that there one on Friday. Will report on these eventually. Dinner last night was delicious!

Also, added two new links to blogs I like. They're in Finnish though...don't bother using google translate on them, it won't work. But if you speak Finnish I strongly recommend these blogs.

How stupid do you think I am?

Damn it! The guy who I was supposed to rent from turned out to be a total fraud!! Luckily I'm not as stupid as to accept any kind of written contract! I told him what I want to have in the contract and that if he can arrange for a new contract containing my requirements we have a deal. Haven't heard from him...

So back to square one with this looking for apartments...

Most of all I feel bad for my friend who has been accommodating me on her couch in her one room apt! Time to check in with someone else I think....

So freaking tired of looking for apartments!! Just get me one now, please!

HOME!

A man just walked by the gallery singing! Despite all that has gone down in this city and country recently my notion remains, that Norwegians are an extraordinarily happy people. And handsome too. Ah.

Today I will sign a contract for a room, I finally have a home in Oslo! Unfortunately though, I still do not have a bed or any other furniture, so I think this means a few more nights on my friend's couch. It's quite a big apartment that I'm moving in to, and I will have three flatmates; a guy from Sweden, a guy from Spain, and a guy from Mexico. So far I've only met the one from Sweden and he seemed rather nice. A bit on the shy side, but nice.

The advantage of guys instead of girls as flatmates is that the bathroom won't be as crowded. Also, they might bring home their (hopefully good-looking) friends...

I'll try to get some pictures here soon of the room!

Smelly fingers

Seriously now, I cooked two days ago and my fingers still smell of garlic!! To me that is yet another reason to leave cooking to those who know what they are doing.

I have a new project in mind! All I need is someone who speaks Swedish and Finnish to write the script for it! Interested? Let me know...

Cutting myself some slack, it is Sunday

This is what Sundays are all about, first practice, then pizza with some friends, then some more practice, then dinner with friends, then home to watch a movie with the girls, eat chips and candy and maybe some more pizza. Tomorrow I'm going on a diet!

Got an offer for an apartment today, third one I've been offered so far and this one is quite nice. But I still have two to check out on Tuesday so I'll wait with my reply for a few more days. I have quite high expectations for one of the apartments on Tuesday, so keep all finger crossed for me s'il vous plait. It is time to move on from J's couch although it is very comfortable.

Note to self

One of these days I will remember to bring my camera when I leave the apartment in the morning! One of these days...

Childhood revisited

Oh my god, the Norwegian men are incredibly handsome! I've got a 4 hour shift at the gallery today, and all I can say is THANK YOU for these huge windows!! I mean, I've already seen the exhibition so now I'll just spend 4 hours watching the beautiful men walk by my window, aw...

Oh, and how is this for coincidence, heard from a good friend of mine that her brother is also in town!! I mean, I've known him since I was 12 (that makes 17 years now), we grew up in the same city in Sweden, and now we are living in the same city in Norway. He was my boyfriend for about two weeks when we were 12, and he's the first guy I've ever kissed. Like really kissed. I can still remember it, we were sitting on my bed and he kissed me and I remember thinking it was very slimy. Those were the days of innocence lost. Anyway, he is coming by the gallery later today. I haven't seen him since 2008.

It is funny how despite the globalization and despite how easy it is to access anything or anyone anywhere in the world, life (or faith, or the universe or whatever else you choose to believe in) spins you around the same circles. It makes me wonder how much is predestined and how much of what has happened in my life has been by my own choice.

turning the page

On my way to Oslo now. Stopping at my parents place since they will drive me rest of the way. Feelings are very mixed, excited about all the new stuff ahead and at the same time a bit melancholic thinking of all the wonderful people I'm leaving behind. But I know it is not forever.

Yesterday almost made me want to stay in Finland. M texted to see if I would have time to see him one last time before I leave. I guess I will be forever confused when it comes to him, but I like to think that even though we are only friends right now, sometime in the future we will be more. There just has to be something there, it cannot be all in my head! He took me down to the river and we had ice-cream and he played the saxophone for me. It felt very special and I could have stayed there forever.

But, no M until March, time to focus on the present and enjoy this new adventure that lies ahead! Oslo...what will you give me? I wait in anticipation!

We like to move it move it

I'm moving to Oslo on Sunday. Right now, that feels kind of...strange.

My cousin is moving back to Stockholm. A friend is moving back to Turku from Geneva. Another friend moved from Stockholm to Geneva. Another friend is moving to Amsterdam. Another one is coming over from NZ to Europe for an undetermined amount of time. Two friends came back from Brazil after 5 months there. One is moving to Hanko. When I move back to Finland one of the people I will have been missing the most will still be in Brazil for another two months. Sometime it would be nice to just have everybody in the same place even for a day.

I am the fox

It is all so familiar. The softness. I can't describe it. I want you to know.

I am the fox from the "Little Prince". I need to be tamed. I want to be tamed. But it is scary. What will happen if I trust you? Don't come too close too fast. Be patient. I'm a shy fox and if you move too fast I'll retreat in to the bushes.

I need a glass of wine

Who will drink wine and make grand plans for the future, discuss the depths of art, and curse the state of the world today with me?

The restlessness I tell you! It's an old friend of mine, I've been here before and I already know how it will end or what stupid things I do to fight the boredome and restlessness. Actually started already, why break bad habits? At least I am feeling something! That is good. The truth is in the skin, it's the only thing that prevents thoughts.

At the same time it is all new and I'm finding it hard to sit still. Time is running out! Only two weeks before Oslo. These two weeks should not feel so thin, they should be thick!

Life isn't always serious

It is Thursday once again. And I pledge that tonight, there will be no afterparty at my place!! Last two thursdays there has been and I'm not sure how much my neighbours appreciate it. Last week J cooked for us (flambéd (how the heck do you spell that) pineapples with vanilla ice-cream) K, M, T, and A swopped clothes. Next day was quite useless. K cooked which was nice. After that we spent the rest of the day in a coma in one of the parks around here. Lets see where tonight takes us!

Being half dead can be beautiful at least in a place like this!

Keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel

After a quick visit to my grandfather's grave it is now time to head back to civilization. 4 hour drive ahead. Next post will be about more everydayish stuff.

All, once again, is relative

Taking a break from all the vacationing (it is so exhausting I need a vacation from my vacation, now that's the spirit of modern day society) and spending a few days in the Finnish country-side at my grandmom's place. It's great and she's great. I've been basically just sleeping and eating (anybody up for some hard core training once I get back in to town?).

My grandmom is so cool. I love her. Being here and talking to her also reminds me of how important it is to stay in touch with one's own history. Dad is also here, he's been here longer than me. Last week he got a bunch of letters written by my father's father's father when he was serving as a soldier in the second world war. He was quite old for a soldier so luckily he didn't have to serve very long. Also he ran the local village shop so he was needed back home. I haven't read much of the letters yet, but what strikes me is how family oriented my great grandfather was. It is clear to see in his letters that he misses his family very much. He says no man with a family should have to serve in a war.

It is too easy to distance oneself from the war and its horrors. There are wars going on all over the world constantly and the suffering is equally undeserved regardless of the sufferer. Lets try to keep in mind that "our men" (who ever they are) are no saints either. They bring suffering to others just as others bring it to our men.

When you don't feel like cooking

Seriously, who can cook in this heat? Not me, that is for sure! I'm not complaining about the summer (that's basically a deadly sin if you live as far north as I do) but the houses here are built to stand for -30 degrees celsius, so now that the outside temperature is around 30 degrees celsius, the inside temperature is 37 degrees celsius. You do not want to turn the stove on, believe you me! Yet, one has to eat, so here is what we did. Delicious.

Blue

I have a thing troubling my mind. A very good friend of mine. He lives not too far from here, just a couple of hours, yet we don't see each other very often. And I miss him like crazy. He is just one of those people who I can't even imagine not having in my life.

Yet now I feel him slipping away. Everytime I go to Helsinki I give him a call and we meet up. Only lately it just feels different. It is not as deep as it used to be. It feels superficial, and our friendship has never been superficial. I feel like I'm trying and trying, and getting nothing back. Now I'm moving out of the country for 5 months and he is still not making any efforts to keep in touch or to hang out. I have no idea why the sudden change. But it makes me really sad. I always felt he is a true friend who really cares, now I no longer feel it. I can't force anyone to do anything, I just wish he would think our friendship is something worth fighting for.

Midsummer

It was....perfect!

eventually

It was one of them nights. I will post once I sober up. How sad that sounds... But no, it was a good night! Now is just not the right time to post on it. Just had to say quickly, went to see Cirque Dracula dress rehearsal, will write more about it later (or earlier as it is quite late) but just had to say I'm in love with a performer, once again... he is amazing. Anyone who has ever seen him will have to agree. Wine at my place after the show, plenty of people, diverse people, good times!

Lets go!

The vacation is starting to find its pace. My social-calender is starting to fill up fast enough for me to already begin feeling a bit anxious over lack of time!!

I've been hosting friends and relatives since the 12th of this month, and will continue doing so until the end of the month. With this up-coming weekend being the only exception since I won't be at home myself.

Went to see the musical version of "Legally Blond" at a local theatre on Saturday. It was ok. Easy to digest entertainment. Not much to say about it really. Got free tickets from a friend who works as one of the musicians in it so I figured it is worth checking out.

Midsummer is coming up! And again we are packing to head out to the islands. This year there are 12 of us going. It will surely be fantastic. Meeting up with one of the people going tomorrow since we landed the very responsible task of planning the menu for the entire weekend, for 12 people!! It is a challenge for sure... We will manage though.

More to come.

...

I'm just waiting for something to happen...

If I take you to my place will you be mine?

Ah, some times being in one place is very much under-rated. I do love travelling, but right now, I'm loving just being here!!

Went to dinner on Saturday in a small restaurant here. My favorite restaurant in this town, not one of those stupid chains you have everywhere. We ended up being the last customers there so the owner and the workers joined us. Turned out we all had a lot in common so they ended up serving us wine after closing hours. I lost count, don't know how many glasses it was, although one ended up on my dress, big thanks to my friend for that! At the end of the night, after a quick round to the bars, we ended up at the owner's place at an afterparty. He cooked some really spicy pasta for us!

Sunday a very good friend came over from Sweden. Spent a great few days with her. Saw "Hannah" at the movies, which was surprisingly good! Also saw the Biennale at the modern arts museum. It was ok. Not more, not less. Did like Ana García-Pineda's work though! Go see it.


Last night some friends treated us to a dinner at Smör. Yummy.

So, there was a short summary of the last days. Time again to focus on the present. Tomorrow farewell drinks at Pinella with a friend. Other than that...nothing. Hoping for some sunny skies!

BRB

Plenty to write about, but since the "My Place-Inn" has opened for the summer it is hard to find the time. About to go drop off a friend at the airport shortly, have another one arriving tomorrow, then my father on Sunday, possibly another friend on Wednesday and then one on Thursday. Then I'm out for midsummer, the islands are calling once again.

But later today I'll try to find time for a quick post about recent activities.

Anti-posing just doesn't do it for me

Ok, I know I've bitched about it before, but seriously, Finnish fashion blogs (maybe the same goes for fashion blogs elsewhere, but I do not know) are ALL THE SAME!

All the girls who write them, though all are pretty, look the same. They pose the same way. It's the anti-pose that annoys me the most, you know the one, "oh, this is just me standing here gazing at my shoes, shifting my weight from one foot to the other totally oblivious to the fact that somebody is taking my picture".

Gina Tricot, H&M, and Zara is all they wear. Maybe some Vero Moda as well. And the texts are boring, I don't understand who spends time reading them. (Of course my writing is a thousand times more interesting and inspiring.)

Don't know what I'm talking about? Check these out:

Julia OC

Strictly Style

Paubella

Oprin

No Fashion Victims

just to name a few...scroll through and check out the posing, always the same. I've been trying to find an inspiring fashion blog in Finnish, one that inspires with both text and pictures...but I'm starting to lose hope. Only one I occasionally enjoy reading is White Trash Disease.

Don't know why I bother bitching about these. Who cares. Well, at least I won't be making friends here. I don't know, I just think it would be more interesting if more people had more individual style instead of just being clones of the same style. BORING.

There.

Good night now.

Bitter-sweet

Back home. For a day. Then one week in Helsinki.

Tuscany turned out to be even better than I could have ever imagined. Great company, watching a field full of fireflies in the dark, midnight swims in the pool, and all that wine.

And sunshine.

Wouldn't change a thing

Laying by the pool watching airplanes draw faint white lines high above me and listening to a million birds.

We are up on a hill and I can see the whole valley stretch out before me all the way to the hills on the other side. A glass of ice cold coca-cola and a good book. A quick dip in the pool whenever it gets too hot. No need for towels, the sun dries my skin.

Tuscany. Perfection.

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N

Bikini - check

Sunscreen - check

A good book - check

Taxi is picking me up at 6.45am tomorrow, it's off to Tuscany! One week of sun, rest, contemplating, good food, exercise, and red wine. Switching my phone off. Everything will just have to wait.

Might write some soul-searching entries while down there, then again, might not. No have-tos.

Ciao, baci!

Perfect weekend

It was a fabulous weekend! Started my Saturday off with breakfast by the river-side together with a friend. Combining business and pleasure. After which we moved on to having, I guess, brunch at Kioski. It was a perfect day for a mini picnic! Could have stayed there forever... but my Saturday was unfortunately too busy for that.



More on the weekend will be posted shortly. Now I'm off to enjoy my guilty pleasure, "Gossip Girl", don't you dare judge me!!

Just a thought

Sometimes it is good to remember that at some point, each and every one of us has been a child longing for a mother's embrace. We are not that different.

Tonight was a good night

Somebody was well prepared for tonight...wonder what went wrong...how do you not notice dropping a toothbrush and mouth-wash?

Anyway, the night ended well. Drinks and then home. Tomorrow is a new day.

Racism

Yes, I'm going to talk about racism. Not much, because I am on my way out for a bbq. Racism is just a sign of narrow-mindedness and fear of the unknown in my opinion. We all have prejudices against different things, nothing wrong with that, it's natural human behavior. But we don't have to accept our prejudices. Once are aware of them we can try to do something about it, knowing that this feeling or opinion of mine is not based on factual knowledge, but the lack there of. I want to be a better person. Everyday. It's a never-ending process.

I was watching Pressiklubi and they were discussing racism. One of the claims they made was that today racism is not determined by race, but by culture. Maybe they have a point. But then one of them started talking about "African culture"....come on!!! African culture?? Is there also something called European culture? Or Asian culture? Or South-American culture? Or even American culture? I'm Finnish, my culture is very very different from an Italian's culture, just as is an Egyptian's culture different from a South African's culture.

Anyway, it's friday. Time for chicken and a good white wine.

You do not want to miss it!

Looking forward for the weekend!!!

Feelgood video of the day

Food for thought

Today's lunch at chez moi. I see a lot of people have read the previous post. Please, if you have any thoughts on the subject, leave comments! I think this is an important matter. (Comments may be left in Swedish, Finnish, English, Portuguese or Spanish.)

Fear of failure

I've been lucky on several occasions to have come across great teachers. Some of these teachers have said things that have stayed with me ever since. Some of these things concern what is mentioned in the topic to this post, the fear of failure. It is an interesting subject in deed. Just think of all the things everybody leaves undone just for fear of failure! What possibly great, maybe even life-altering experiences have you missed because you were scared it might not work out the way you planned it!?

Something I've noticed while living here in Finland, is that Finns have a terrible fear of failure! It's visible whenever there is a big competition of any kind that Finland is participating in. The rhetorics before entering the competition are always the same "we are well prepared, all we can do now is our best and hope that things go our way, although the competition is really tough, and quite frankly we will be satisfied what ever the outcome is, yada yada yada etc etc etc". That's like laying out cushions because you are mentally prepared to fall flat on your ass!

Why not instead go in thinking "I'm going to win this!!"? Then, even if you don't win, you will at least know you gave it your all, mentally and physically. It's like a front somersault, if your arms are pointed downwards in the take-off you get a low somersault, if your arms are pointed up, the somersault is higher. It's all in the take-off.

Back to those wise teachers I've had the fortune to come across. One once told me when I was about 14 years old that "daring is to lose ground for a moment, but not daring is to lose against yourself forever". When I was 23 another one told me fear will never go away, it just moves in the same pace as you move, only always one step ahead. The next new thing is scary, but once you do it, the fear moves on to the next new thing.

These wisdoms have led me to conclude that fear is something we just have to accept. It is ok to be afraid. It is not ok to let that fear stop you from doing things you want to do. Believe in yourself and that you can handle what ever comes your way, despite the fact that it scares you.

Here are some more thoughts on fear of failure.

Exhaling

The sweet taste of freedom! Work is over (except one meeting) and the fashion show is done. Even if you might have missed the show, you can still get a piece of it! Just go to this blog and comment on the last entry and you might win a t-shirt from Jeti!!

Now time for some of this...

a time to leave

Last class behind, walked around the place to check all lights have been turned off and everything is in its place. I am not returning. This is it, I'm locking the doors for the last time.

I step outside and the sun is still shining. It's a short walk, 5 minutes tops, to the office. Dirt road, crisp little green leaves in the trees, birds singing. Return the video camera to the office and walk another five minutes to the train.

A sense of freedom. I might be back here some day, but that is for time to tell. The rest of the night is mine. Tomorrow focus is turned to the fashion show on Friday.

ladie's room in Helsinki

Not so much worth while post

Tomorrow is my last day at work!! Then there is the fashion show on friday, evaluation at work on sat and sun, and finally last meeting at work on tuesday, then I'm free!!

Free to occupy my time wit other projects that is.

My feelings about leaving this job are quite mixed. I'm not sad, although I will miss some of my students. I guess it's normal to feel a bit confused when something that has been your everyday comes to an end. But at the same time I'm really happy it's over. Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed working there, but as I already have new projects starting up I'm really eager to see what will come out of them.

Today was a good day. Got my ass to practice for the first time in a looooong time. Then lunch with the best of company, and then work where I was showered with gifts (please, no more chocolate!) (this is worse than christmas). I surprised myself at practice by doing a back somersault from standing! Haven't done one in ages and thought my days of flipping are already over...guess not.

No complaints here

Heh, so much for holiday, already landed a one week job assignment for the second week of my holiday... although it is not so bad, the assignment is in Tuscany, all expenses paid.

laying back and putting my feet up

Eat your hearts out suckers, three more days of work, then it's holidays for TWO MONTHS!!! Hell yes!!

Although, knowing me, it's not really going to be holiday, I have a ton of projects I'm working on, as always, but at least I get to set my own schedules so it's pretty much holidays!

Spent the weekend in Helsinki, which was very nice aside from the fact that I left my wallet at home...so I've been living on borrowed money. Now on the train back home to my wallet and internetbanking to pay back my debts to all those lovely friends who have supported my drinking habits this weekend =). Not really, I'm not that big on drinking. But we did end up at an afterparty last night. I wish I could show you what it was like, but it was one of those affairs where everybody involved is better off knowing that there are no pictures or any other type of documentation of the party in question. Don't think anybody would like to be exposed, but I can tell you there were listening to old cassettes, dancing on tables, and nudity.

Contemplating....this is freedom

Sitting in a park in Brussels and listening to Ginsberg reading "America" on my iPhone. It's spring, almost summer, the trees are green. Green little insects are crawling all over me but I don't mind. The hole in my jeans has gotten bigger. I accidentally pushed my foot through it, more than once. I'm enjoying the kind of solitude, peace and calm one can only find far away from home. No time to keep track of. Just the opportunity to sit back and take it all in, to pay attention to the small details that are always there but that we neglect. The small details that make each moment a work of art, a wonder. Brussels might not be the most fabulous city in the world but I will love it for giving me this moment.

Reality check one two

Whoah!

I've been surfing the everyday fashion blogs... I've said it before and I will say it again, it's sad. Pathetic even. Not only because of the lack of style most of these blogs manifest, although that too is truly sad. I'll say it again, buying a ready made style from H&M or GT or what have you does not mean you have style!! Sure, they both have some good looking clothes, some, but it's not very personal. And this is all before we even get to the ethical side of it. DO YOU CARE WHERE YOUR CLOTHES COME FROM? DO YOU REALLY NEED ALL THE CLOTHES THAT YOU HAVE?

I don't know, I'm not that much better myself, I have more clothes than what my wardrobes can stomach. But I'm trying to be more conscious about my spending habits. The thing is, we have a problem. Not just me, or you, but all of us as a whole. We are consuming too much! You can have style without buying new stuff every week. All the waste we produce... this ol' planet of ours can't take it much longer and it is no joke. I hate to preach, but sometimes I feel the need.

Our consuming has consequences. The labor, who makes the clothes you wear? Under what conditions? The exhaust, how environmental are the factories where our clothes are being made? Ever paid some thought to why they are all tagged "made in China/Bangladesh/India/Taiwan"? What do you think the environmental legislation in those places are like compared to the Western world? Next we have the transportation... we transport stuff we could make here just because there nobody cares what chemicals you let out into the nature. It ends up in our stores, we buy it, use it for a month or two and then forget about it. You need to think about why these clothes are as cheap as they are. We might not be paying a lot of money when we buy them, but we are paying a price we can't afford much longer.

It's not right. On any level. Please save our planet. Be more creative.

Enough preaching for one entry. Day off tomorrow, big plans, need to do laundry, wash dishes, clean in general...great fun. Friday morning flying off to Brussels for the weekend. Last weekend it was Stockholm. After this, I have two weeks of Helsinki ahead of me. THEN I finally get some rest! Vacation! Looking forward to it, feel like I'm running around like a crazy person right now, forgetting dead-lines etc. Took a nap the other day and when I woke up, in the middle of the day, it took me a couple of minutes to figure out what country it is I live in these days. Couldn't remember if it is Sweden or Finland. Very confusing. And a bit scary realizing the level of stress I'm under. Seriously, it is no joke, I couldn't remember which country I live in!! I've lived here since 2004! Lets see what happens when I move to Norway this summer...

Cat likes sunshine

5 days off from work! Hell yea! Going to Sweden tomorrow and the weather forecast says sunny skies and warm weather. A good friend is coming with me, haven't seen her since september.

Got a glass of "flädercider" next to me. Got two new chairs, need to show you them some time soon.

Everything is quite good.

Still looking for an apartment in Oslo though. Let me know if you have any tips!

Tuesday morning surprises

Looking through my blog's statistics I have to say I'm rather surprised to find that the majority of my readers are in USA and Iran. Weird. But never the less, nice to have you here.

About 5 more weeks of work, then I'm freeeeeeee for almost two months before moving to Oslo. I should get a move on and try to find some place to live there...and fins someone who wants to rent my apartment here....

E arrived here from Australia last night! Good to finally have him here for a little while. Too bad I'm working and won't be able to spend that much time with him though.

Riginal kauboi stail

I love this scarf! It's from Bellibelli. Got this scarf as a token of appreciation after a project we did together. If you want to see more you should check out Turku Design Week in May.

I'm starting to realize the disadvantages of having my favorite people spread out across the country, and the world for that sake. It makes it hard to find enjoyable company at my present location. Ended up joining a bunch of law students tonight. A good friend of mine studies law. She's also in business school, such an over-achiever! Anyway, she's insane. She introduced me to two of her friends, first one she presented to me with the words "watch out for that ugly midget" (yes he heard it, yes it was intentional, and no, he's not a midget), the second one she introduced to me as the worlds's biggest whore (also a guy, and yes, he heard it, and no, he did not object). When people ask me if we are friends I usually tell them no, she's just paying me to hang out with her. Anyway, good times were had by all.

Now time for some sleep. Tomorrow I'll see what my abs think of working out, pulled them last week in practice and there is a knot in them now. You can feel it, right below my ribs. It's kinda gross. But I guess it'll go away eventually.

Beautiful things

I'm looking at my blog and realizing it's very....dull looking. Not good. So, even though it compromises my anonymity I decided to start uploading some more pictures here. Just pictures of things that inspire, or that I find beautiful. First off, some details from my apartment.

OSLO next

Got the job after all! Now how about that?

So now I start looking for an apartment in Oslo and somebody to rent my apartment here...

This does mean some changes to my everyday life (aside from the fact that I'm moving to another country). The job is an internship and the pay is less than half of what I'm making now and it's in one of the most expensive places in Europe. Now how do we solve this? I have no idea! I guess it's back to eating pasta and tomato sauce five days a week.

Excited never the less! Might open up a bottle of something bubbly tomorrow =)

What's next?

I think no news is bad news, at least now....sigh...had my hopes up for a job position I had applied for...

Monday I have my next interview for a possibly interesting position so keep your fingers crossed for me! Please?

But there are at least some good news, a good friend of mine got the internship she applied for with World Health Organization!! I have so many talented and ambitious friends that I'm considering putting together a totally invincible team for future world domination.

I pulled a muscle yesterday in my abs. Turning hurts, getting up hurts, laughing hurts, even breathing hurts. Despite that I was at a refugee center today to give a capoeira class. It was really nice and I hope they will want us to do it again.

Tonight the plan is to go see a circus performance. It is a work-in-progress piece so it will be very interesting. Also interesting is the person I'm going with. He's not a regular culture consumer. I always enjoy exposing people who don't regularly consume art or culture to these events. Hopefully he will like it. If not I at least really appreciate his open-mindedness to try something new, that means (in my opinion) that he's not all bad.