I'm bringing some peppers, and chili, and salt...

Oslo is now behind and I'm moving back to Finland. Before that though, I am spending some time in Sweden.

But, before we leave Oslo for good I must update you on what went down during the last week or so there.

Christmas party at the embassy. Great success! I got the embassador to perform a bridge. Wearing a dress. I'm very proud of myself.

Going away party at my place. Great success! Even some international drama going on there. Nothing major though. We stayed at my place until 4 am and ended the party by having a pic nic consisting of, um...french fries and turkish pepper shots on my livingroom floor. That is truly a crowd I will miss. Luckily some of them are flying over for my birthday next month!

Sweden is crazy. Or the weather is. No snow. Just windy as hell!! About ten of our trees went down last night because of the storm. Guess we are lucky it wasn't anyone of those closest to the house.

New years is coming up and this year I've made no plans for it. Therefore I was very happy today when I got an invitation to dinner and party at a friend's place in Stockholm. Me and a bunch of Stockholmian lawers, its got disaster written all over it! Got to love it! The invitation actually said they need me to spice things up. All I can say is be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it...

No time to write, too busy partying

It is a bit hectic, last days in Oslo.

Went to some fancy party thing a few weeks back, ended up at gay club with Norwegian politician and some photographer who disagreed on my view of art. Good times were had by all (except the photographer).

Christmas party with friends. We sang christmas songs in Finnish, Swedish, Norwegian, Spanish, and Chinese. We are so internationally fabulous. Good times were had by all.

Christmas dinner at boss's place. He cooked a five course dinner for us. I was impressed.

Still to come:

Christmas party at the embassy tonight.

Going away party at my place tomorrow night.

Go figure!

So what happens? Worst possible of course, romantic music and candles and dinner. And when I was leaving he kissed me on the mouth. Can not see him anymore obviously. Our expectations are not the same. And now I have to tell him that. Fuck.

Grass is always greener...

So, the guy I mentioned in the previous post? I'm going on a third date with him tonight. Yay! Or so you might think, but actually I'm kind of freaking out. I'm afraid he is more interested than I am.

He is serving dinner at his place tonight. I swear, if there are candles on the table it will be a very short date! What is wrong with me though? As soon as somebody shows interest I freak out and feel like I can't breathe. But if a guy seems like he is not really interested than I can't get him off my mind. I guess it's the chase more than the guys themself...too sad.

Things that make my knees weak

I have a date today after work. I'm not the type of person that gets nervous about stuff, but today I am! This guy is uncomfortably handsome and I have no idea why he wants to go out with me. He is the kind of movie star handsome that makes you extremely self-aware. And he is older than me. 7 years older.

I know it'll be alright. I'll just be me, which is not bad at all. I just can't imagine that I would be his type. My bets are there will not be a second date, but who cares? Handsome man, I will enjoy his company today.

Priceless

It struck me again yesterday how important it is to have free-time. I mean real free-time, not just weekend. I did have some plans for the weekend, but to be honest, I didn't feel like going through with any of them. So I cancelled. Perhaps that upset some people who were affected by it. But it freed up my weekend. And it was exactly what I needed!

How can you ever be spontaneous if every second of every minute of your life is scheduled?

Ended up going to dinner and then movies with three good friends. No plans were made, we just went to eat, and once we had finished eating one of my friends said he felt like going to the movies, and so we did. It wasn't any extraordinary events, but just the freedom to be able to do it just because it felt like a good idea at the time is worth so much.

You suck!!

I've read through about a million blogs today. And they all suck. They were all terribly written and incredibly boring. Maybe I am too. But since this is me and my universe which revolves around my being I'm choosing not to care. Caring would only lead to insecurities and misery, who wants that?

I do realize how immature this post sounds. It's just...I don't know how to explain. I think it is perfectly possible to write about everyday nonsense in an entertaining way. But all the blogs I've read today go like this: "Today I woke up and was very tired. Then I had breakfast and went to school/work. After school/work I came home and had dinner. Now I'm just relaxing."

ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzz.... you lost me.

Maybe I'm exaggerating, I did read a few blogs that weren't like that. But instead they were really pretentious and attention seeking. Don't like that either. Am I just too hard to please? I think not. I'm a normal (more or less) person. My life is just as boring as everybody elses, I'm not asking for or demanding extravagance. I'm just not interested in you waking up, going to work, and eating. I'm interested in what you saw on your way to work, and what that made you think about. That is what makes you different from everybody else.

On a different note, found some gorgeous vintage red leather boots by Finnish designer Juhani Palmroth. I love them!

Hello? Is this the universe trying to tell me something?

I'm not superstitious. At least not very much. But I try to stay open and accept that there are other ways of communication then spoken or written language.

I was sitting at a small over-prized café at an airport reading a book (The Man Who Broke In To Auschwitz). During the train ride I had been thinking about a person trying to figure out how I feel about him. Still haven't reached a conclusion.

Anyway, back to the book. It tells the story of a soldier and how he leaves Liverpool to go to war. I'm sitting at the airport in Liverpool waiting for my flight back home. The book is written sort of like a diary and the first date of the book is Jan. 22nd. That is my birthday.

At one point I looked up, across from where I was sitting there was another café. A guy was sitting there and I thought he looked a bit like the guy I'd been thinking about on my way to the airport. I thought to myself I have to get him out of my head before I start seeing him everywhere... and continued reading. Just a short moment later I realize someone is standing by my table and look up. It is him. He was supposed to be on a flight two days earlier but had missed it and re-scheduled for the same flight as me.

I'm trying hard not to be superstitious, even though I am sometimes tempted to be.

Friday words of wisdom

Friday?

Friday.

Friday!

Friday...

Friday!!

I realize I can not go around hoping for, wanting, searching, for the unexpected. I also realize it is in some degree up to me. I read an article a few days ago. It was about what people at their deathbed say they regret the most. You know what it is?

Not letting myself be happier.

Living my life according to the expectations of others.

Not following my dreams.

Luckily, these are things I have already realized. But I think we could all get even better at it. Why pass on something that might turn out like a lot of fun just because it might be a bit embarrassing or because it might make others think you are crazy? What if, instead of thinking "Nah, I can't do that, people will think I'm crazy" you would just go "I have absolutely nothing to lose, only live once, lets do this!".

I try to do that. Sometimes I fail. Sometimes it takes a few minutes of gathering courage. But never have I regretted any of the silly things I've done because they are the things I remember. And remembering them makes me smile in an otherwise quite gray day-to-day life.

With these thoughts in mind I must say I am looking forward to this weekend. No commitments made, but plenty of invitations. I understand my friends don't really like me being so flaky, but the thing is, I don't have a lot of free time right now and when I do have free time I don't want to commit to coming to dinner or seeing a play or having lunch or whatever, because that, in my mind, beats the purpose of free time. How can I be spontaneous if I always have some place where I have promised to be at a certain time? I appreciate the invitations, but would like to keep my right to make split second decisions.

Bon week-end à tous!

Please, DO rock my boat

Please inspire me!

Or make me fall...

Make me angry!

Anything, just make me feel anything!

This is the problem. I hear some people like this. They say it is safe and that in the end we all long for safety and familiarity. I don't. Will I ever? I want the adventures! I want the crazy experiences, like when we accidentally drove to Canada on our way to Chicago. Or like when we slept on the floor behind a dryer in a laundry-room at a trailorpark in Australia. Or like that afterparty when people swopped clothes and we flambéd pineapple in my kitchen.

There has been nothing even remotly crazy, life altering or ground-shaking in a very very very long time!

This needs to change! The sooner the better!

it is like prison

FYI, I wore jeans today for the first time in about 6 months and let me just tell you, it will not happen again in the near future! UNCOMFORTABLE! I am going back to dresses! That is all, thank you and good night!

Hold on to your hats!

Btw, the date the other night went well! I don't think he is my type but he was super super nice and we hade a great time just talking. First time I checked to see what time it was, it was 2.20am!!! And we had met up at 7pm! That has got to count for something, right?

There is just so much going on right now and I really really love my life! The store-opening last night was PACKED. But drinks and food were super, and so were the goodiebags we got (there was a t-shirt, some make up products from Maxfactor, hairproducts from L'Oreal, chocolate, a magazine (Smug), a gift certificate for 40€ on jeans, a gift certificate for 25€ for a hair salon).

Siinai's gig was also good! Not my kind of music, but good in respect to the genre they represent.

Tonight we're going to the comedy show, that'll be nice. Just hoping M is up for it, she called in sick today.

Tomorrow H is visiting!! Yay!! The band she dances for has a gig here so we're going to see the gig and then go out. I was really looking forward to a serious night out, BUT turns out, I have to take it quite easy...got invited to an audition quite early on Sunday. Which is great of course. But my chances are not very good since they are looking for dancers. But I figure it's good to go regardless.

AND, I might have a date on Sunday! Tell you more about that later (no, it's not the same person as last time, although I'll probably see him again as well).

I guess the adventures I've been hoping for are happening all the time, I'm just not realizing it. Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for all the woods you know...

Money is overrated

How to make it without money in Oslo? Easy. As long as you have enough for food and rent, you're good, that's all you need!

Tonight I'm going to a store opening (which means free alcohol and snacks) and after that we got free tickets to a gig with Siinai. Tomorrow night we got free tickets to go see a Jonas Gardell, a Swedish comedian, and on Saturday night we got free tickets to a gig with Leningrad Cowboys.

Who needs money?

Non-static existence

A week or so back I had a very interesting meeting. I was meeting a producer for a company I'd really like to work for and he was telling me I should apply for a job with them! And as if that wasn't enough, their president also showed up and stayed to chat with us for a while, and the producer guy told him as well that he thought I should be working for them! Note to self: remember to send your CV to dreamjob...

Sometimes I enjoy just walking around town, trying to get lost. I figure we are all trying to find our true selves. Some go to India to do it, others to Thailand. I can't afford either one right now so I'm trying to find myself here. And how can you possibly find yourself if you are not lost at first?

The problem is, I can't seem to get lost! My sense of direction is overwhelming! Is this the universe's way of telling me I'm already there? I've found me?

I hope not, because I'm afraid the adventure ends when you find yourself. From there on it's just peace, serenity and calm for the rest of the journey and I am not ready for that yet!! If finding yourself does not exclude adventure then I'm fine with it!

I have a date tonight. I'm really looking forward to it, although I do not believe this is a person with whom I will get romantically involved. He just seems like a very interesting person and I really want to get to know him!

It can't possibly go well!

Just realized something. We are having a party on Saturday night, and I have a date on Sunday at 12.30 in the afternoon.

This means I will probably be in less than perfect shape on the date. Also, it's a first date and we are going to see a movie - I have a tendency to fall asleep watching movies even when I'm not hung over. And best of all, the movie is a Danish movie called "The Truth About Men", so if I do manage to stay awake, it can still be a bit awkward.

So to summarize, first date, hangover, movie called "The Truth About Men". Not sure this is a very good plan.

five, six, seven, eight and one two three four

So, right now is rather hectic. Just to sum it up, 12 hour workdays, exhibition opening tomorrow, on Friday I'm a showgirl, filmfestival and reception at the embassy on Saturday, more filmfestival and perhaps a date on Sunday.

Dancing on my own

So, yesterday's date got cancelled. The guy had fallen asleep. He did send me a text appologizing for this and asking what I was doing later that night. I told him I have no plans and told him to let me know if he's going out. Didn't hear from him again. Wtf!? I mean, I'm not looking for a relationship or even a fling, I just want to get to know people as this town, and this country, is new to me. But still, who does he think he is standing me up?? Anybody, boy, girl, man or woman, should feel priviliged to be allowed my company!

Anyway, I do not let strangers mess up my plans, so I went to the Opera house on my own. They screened a documentary about a Norwegian artist up on the roof of the Opera house. It was actually quite amazing, one of the best documentaries I've ever seen. Beautiful. Artistic without being pretentios, funny without being corny. So after all it was a good night.

Today Rex called. He had a hangover and asked if I wanted to go to a museum with him. I'm always up for art. He picked me up and we went. He says he is a fuck up. He doesn't like his job, it is just something he does to pay the rent. He says he would like to do something more creative. What is stopping you I asked. I think he is trying to impress me. It is kind of sweet in a way. I think he means well. I think he is a bit lost between his early 20s and the now approaching 30. How do you become the man you want to be?

Got a show for next Friday. Doesn't pay at all, but since I'm new in town I guess I have to do some of these first to make a name for myself. It's just a hair-show but it does include some choreography and trapeze. Most importantly, I get to be on stage and blow people's minds.

Life is beautiful

I've got a feelin....woohoo

So guess who has got a date tomorrow? Well, it is not exactly a date, I'm not looking for anything. But it sort of a date. We are going to a poetry slam and after that a concert. Looking forward to it!

There is also a party tomorrow night that I intend to go to. So tomorrow has all potential of being a good day!

Tonight we are keeping the gallery open until 9.30pm. It's the night of the arts in town. We'll have a DJ here and some refreshments (beer). I'm hoping we get a good turn up!

My flatmates are probably coming and I'm not so sure how I feel about that. They are super nice, but one of them can be a bit of a drama queen when there is alcohol involved. And in my opinion drama belongs on stage or on screen, and by the age of almost 30 you should most definitely know how to behave, be there alcohol involved or not!

Also, the guy I wrote about last post (I think), I'll see him again tonight at practice. Still a bit confused about that, but sticking to my theory that it is a lack of physical intimacy on my part and the fact that he is a very warm person around who I feel very....I guess safe would be a good word. But, I know from experience that mixing up feeling safe with having a crush is not a good thing to do. Safe is nice, but in the long run quite boring. And by the time you realize you are not in to the other person, you just like how safe he makes you feel then you might already be in a very tricky situation.

hush hush

Living quietly... trying to change it. Flatmate got home last night around 3am and she wasn't alone. Found men's clothing all over the livingroom this morning when I got up to go to work.

Met a friend yesterday, male one, and it was...weird. He's super nice and sweet but not at all my type physically, yet it just felt strangely nice being close to him. What is going on? Is it just lack of intimacy? I'm guessing it is. Will se him again today AND tomorrow (sort of work related).

Later tonight I'm going to some exclusive shopping event. As if I could afford shopping with this stupid interns salary! Hah. But there will be free wine, so I'm going regardless.